Well...I did it.

As if there was any doubt that I would. I just cannot resist taking my clothes off for a man who is willing to fondle my vagina.

Today I had Hot Air Balloon Guy over for a movie and some wine.

Originally my plan for the evening was to wash my cum-stained bedding and while that was happening I was going to sit on my naked mattress, while probably naked myself, eating cheesecake and reading blogs. I lead an especially glamourous life.

But no. Some dude (Hot Air Balloon Guy, stay with me!) wanted to see me because he just found out that he is moving out of town to fly balloons elsewhere and he thinks I am super awesome.

Fine.

So I come home from work. I toss my tight black jeans, my musty pillow cases, and a cute top in the wash. I hop in the shower to wash the negligence out of my hair make sure my bits were in order. I swept and mopped the damn apartment. And then I pulled myself together and let him know he could come over.

We watched Whatever Works, which was fine, and cracked open my free bottle of wine (which I am kind of wishing I had saved for a night by myself). After the movie we made a little small talk until someone (can't remember who) grabbed the other and went in for a smooch.

Smooching turned to groping, turned to dry humping, turned to us retreating to my bedroom to get the pesky clothes out of the way.

Now. This is funny because I was talking to the gals before he came over and I told them I would probs not fuck this dude. But the THING is. When I am presented with a penis, I just get far too excited about seeing what it can do that I totally forget that I didn't want to go there.

I GO COCK CRAZY!

And my mind gets all jumbled and buggered up.

This guy was nervous. And as much as I love being dominated, I am also learning that I kind of love making guys nervous. It brings out this beast in me. I am practicing becoming more dominant myself so that I can expand my sexual horizions.

Today I was a little drowsy from the wine, so beyond gently telling him what I wanted ("bite there...harder") I remained calm and didn't get too excited.

One of my fears was that his dick would be too small. And it seemed small, but I am pretty sure that it was just because there was so much flesh. He is certaintly the biggest man I have ever fucked, and it was a hinderance, to be quite frank.

But he was a quick learner, and he developed a basic understanding of what I wanted.

I actually got the feeling that he may have never had sex before...but how can you ask someone that question?!

As sweet as the whole thing was, towards the end of it I had already resolved that I had no romantic feelings towards this man. I was getting less interested and he was quickly becoming more interested. This has happened to me before. It is so awkward because I am the type who will apparently take advantage of these men for sex and completely disregard their feelings. Take Guy #2 for example.

I will probably see Hot Air Balloon Guy one more time before he moves away. I am going to use the move as my out.

The New Fall Lineup: A Bad Idea?

In a recent post I went on about how I am ready to keep my pants on and my tits in my top for the first few dates with the new guys I have been interested in.

And now I am having doubts. In fact, thinking about it makes me feel uncomfortable. SUPER DUPER uncomfortable.

I am sitting here typing this and shaking and thinking about how I could use a stiff drink (or cock) to settle my nerves. Alas, I have none. Well, I am always sure to have JUST IN CASE numbers in my phone, BUT I am trying to break the habit.

Okay. So this week's dates.

I had arranged to have one with a 38 year old who was super nervous about the 14 year age difference. He was emailing me six times a day. I would email him something and his response would be four emails. Then he would email to check in an wish me an awesome day. Then he would email in the evening just for the sake of it.

It was excessive, annoying as fuck, and he couldn't spell for shit. I also got the feeling he was slow...and he sent me a picture and he looked kind of cross-eyed. (This makes me sound ridiculous...I am really all over the place in terms of physical attraction, Mr. T was a death metal disaster who wore denim vests covered in patches. I am going nowhere with this. Other than the fact that I have fucked weird looking guys.)

So I was getting a weird feeling about this 38 year old. I couldn't put my finger on it. All I knew was that I was not looking forward to this date. I was feeling icky about it.

The day of the date, I'm at work talking it out with my coworker and she convinced me to cancel it. And I realized I had to. I had a feeling he would kill me or something. So I emailed him, hoping he would get it in time, and then I blocked him. End of that dude.

The next day I had a date with a much more promising guy. Hot Air Balloon guy. This guy fucking flies hot air balloons for a living! It seemed pretty boss to me. He also seemed normal, and was able to communicate in proper english.

We decided to meet at a coffee shop by my place. I stroll in and spot him right away. He is a big guy. Over six feet, broad shoulders, and just generally SOLID (hefty?). I knew this going into it, and I'm ok with it (I think?) because I am a curvy gal. (But, like, big guy's dicks always seem so small....like, in relation to everything else.)

We both get tea and have a seat and the conversation is super easy. And I laugh my ass off. He is a big nerd. HUGE. But he let me make fun of him for it, which is important to me because that is my sense of humour and I always fuck up and hurt people's feelings by accident because they don't GET me. Right. So the talking was good. And he has a sweet face.

After talking for an hour and a half I suggest we go for a walk. We walked and talked about bugs and stuff and it was nice. At the end of the night I kind of took control of the situation because I could tell he was sort of nervous. I said I would like to see him again and he agreed. Then I made him give me a hug and I ended the night with out even taking off my cardigan. This was very grown up and responsible.

A couple of days ago was my second date with Hot Air Balloon guy. It was a decent five hours. He picked me up and we grabbed a coffee and chatted for a bit. Then we walked around an antique mall and some other shops. We then decided to go to the zoo. We spent a few hours at the zoo, wandering, making fun of animals, almost being eaten by a lion, and some flirting. His nerdiness was even more evident, but he was still good humoured about it when I poked fun. He identified all the planes that flew overhead, and there were lots because we were near the airport. Then he took me for sushi. Sushi is kind of an awkward date food. I get paranoid that guys are watching me eat the big pieces to gauge how much of their dick will fit in my mouth. He didn't seem to do this, which was nice.

After dinner he walked me home because the restaurant was right near my place. At the door we made plans to get together again this week to watch Indiana Jones because I've never seen it. As I was talking about how he can also teach me about Dungeons and Dragons he was slowly moving closer and kind of leaning on the gate. I could see the look in his eyes that told me that he wanted to kiss me but wasn't going to make a move because he was too polite. So I gave him and side hug and a super chaste kiss on the lips. The kind of kiss I would give my grandmother.

Okay. So I had a nice time. Right? Right! I did.

I am not trying to convince myself, I did honestly enjoy myself and his company. I am just at a loss. I have no idea if he will be able to satisfy my wants and it's making me want to call it all off.

What if he is a shit kisser?! Kissing is so important, even when it comes to hook-ups. If you can't make my groin feel a flutter of need when we are kissing, then it's not worth my time. And this super chaste kiss? I mean, I am obviously not going to be able to tell much from that, but I didn't really feel like pulling him in for some tongue either.

And what about his dick. What if it's no good? Then I will totally hurt his feelings because we will have gone on all these chaste dates and then when he takes his pants off I'm all "Um, you know what..no thanks. Changed my mind."

What if he doesn't do what I need him to do. What if he is afraid of hurting me. What if he doesn't bite like I like. What if he is no good with his hands?! I am already so certain that he is going to be a flop in the sack AND IT IS SO DISTRACTING. Is this unreasonable?! Why is it making me freak out like this?!

I realize that I am not tied to Hot Air Balloon. I could call him right now and say no thank you. But that would be stupid. As paranoid as I am about all this sex stuff, I am more paranoid that I will accidentally miss out on a good thing.

Anyways. That night after the date I was semi-panicked about how a nice guy actually likes me, which I realize is ridiculous. I cracked open and beer, happened to be listening to some sexy music, and I decided to see what Guy #2 was up to for the next day.

This was an asshole move because not only did I know I had a guy who likes me, but Guy #2 has issues of his own and was interested in me but I said no thanks and now I was going to use him for sex. I am such a champ.

Guy #2 and I arranged for him to come over in the evening the next day between work and a meeting. I think I was excited. I know I was drunk and horny...

Then the girls and I decided to go to the bar to see some bands. As I am standing there, kind of shimmying to the music, I notice an attractive giant come stand next to me. I recognized him immediately. This is the hot guy I see walking down the street in front of work everyday. He also slept with a friend of mine a few years ago. And he has an online dating profile through which I had contacted him a few weeks ago.

This was an opportunity.

I descreetly blotted any oil from my face, dealt with the beer/cigarette breath, adjusted my tits (he was much taller than me and would have a perfect view down my top), and prepared my opening line.

As the band was playing I noticed he had spotted me and so as soon as the band stopped we kind of started to talk to each other at the same time.

He is blonde, about 6'4, has stretched ears, and super hip dork glasses. I have had a crush on this guy for years. And now I was finally talking to him!

I tried to play it cool but I was kind of speechless and drunk. I had a hard time being witty and quick, and I kind of felt like I was floundering. He was kind of awkward too though, and when he said stupid things he would say something like "don't fuck this up, big guy!" under his breath. It was charming, trust me.

We also made an inside joke about how stupid the second band looked in their matching vests and he kept trying to convince me to go up to them an politely ask for one of my own.

Eventually the band started to play so we couldn't really talk anymore except a little between songs.

During the last song the guitarist lept off stage and grabbed me and put me between himself and his guitar and demanded I play. I am not a musician so I just kind plunked sadly on the damn thing while he actually played. I wish I had been more drunk at this point but unfortunately the beer had worn off.

It was now after 2am and I was tired, sober, and had to work the next morning. I know I could have gone home with Hot Nerd Guy, we even discussed how comfortable his bed would be to spend the next day in, but I was really just ready to sleep.

When I turned around to face him he was talking to a friend of his so I just squeezed his arm and said that I hoped we would run into each other again.

On the walk home I realized I should have slipped him my number. I am a dipshit. So I emailed him when I got home. Finger crossed!

New Fall Lineup!

As of the beginning of last week I had (sort of) cut all ties with the summer men.

I was sitting on the beach wearing a sweater and a scarf because it was effing cold, basking in the sun, and trying to ignore the lustful glances the Filipino fishermen were giving me every time a breeze threatened to blow up my dress. It was the perfect day to reflect on my summer of glory and plan for the upcoming months. I made goal, I considered my fall wardrobe, and I contemplated what I wanted in terms of men.

I decided I am going to *try* to focus on male companionship and that I am going to try not to put out on the first date. I am going to try taking a more mature approach to dating. I realized that this might be challenging at first, but that once I am able to make good behavior a habit, it will eventually come naturally to me.

So, while still on the beach, I pulled out my iPhone and logged onto my dating websites. I browsed many profiles in search of my first fall date in my quest to be a mature dater.

I found the perfect one!

A guy who just moved to town and seemed interested in making the world a better place and he was a landscaper so I figured he would probably be fit and tanned! YUM!

We emailed, and then texted, and eventually agreed to meet on that Thursday for drinks.

The date was horrible. On of the worst I have been on. He was boring as all fuck. After 40 minutes I ran to the bathroom to check the time and then text all my gals to find out how long I had to stay in order to be polite. An hour apparently.

He seriously had nothing to say. I am pretty awesome at keeping up conversation, I've had enough damn practice at first dates. It got to the point where I was scrambling and asking shit like "Sooooo....what kind of music do you listen to?" He would then answer my questions but not really give me anything to work with and he wouldn't return the question.

He also said stupid shit about how when he left his old town he left behind a lot of bad karma, and it sounded like he got angry with everyone and just ditched. He also said he went on dates with a few women there but that they were all "trash" because they were single moms. Upon reflection I realize I really should have walked out at that point...

So after an hour he asks if I want another drink or if I want to get a bite to eat or whatever. I feign a headache because I really felt bad for this guy. He had nothing going for him and will probably be single for forever. We part ways politely, there was even a hug.

Later that evening I was online on one of the dating websites and he obviously noticed. I got this email from him:

"Something isn't right when a date gets called early and both people immediately log in to check their profile. Are people so dependent on social networks that they would rather chat online then be in person? I can't make sense of that at all."

I replied with:

"You have a point. I don't think we have much in common or much to talk about to be honest."

The next morning he sends:

"Good no need to fool ourselves. Nice meeting you and good luck."

At this point I feel relieved that I won't have to deal with any texts or phone calls from him telling him that I am not interested. I figure he handled it alright and figured it out and that it's all great.

I WAS WRONG.

A couple of hours after his last email I get this:

"Actually no I am going to flame. I talked for an entire hour. You said almost nothing except grill me the entire time. We are both boring people that mostly just work. We both spend a lot of time on the internet. We are both second picks. I don't know what you think you want but I categorize you in wanting impossible with the majority of women. 90% of women all want the same 10% of alpha men. Your not getting one. Date in your own league. Your incredibly boring. But I'm fine with boring because I know I'm regular Joe too. If we had more in common honestly the date would of lasted 5 minutes. I told a ton of stories you said jack shit."

I read this and laughed for probably an hour. Then I went to work and told everyone and laughed even harder!

There are so many stupid things going on there. But my favorite part is the "Date in your own league. You are incredibly boring." I want to get a t-shirt made.

I responded with Zaza's suggestion of:

"You're = you are
Your = possessive"

And then I blocked him because I am not interested in anything that dude has to say. Not worth my time.

I have two other dates this week!

One is with a super eager 38 year old. He is really self conscious about his age, even though I assured him I consider it a positive. I am curious to see how that goes.

The second date is with a man who flies hot air balloons for a living. I hope to one day fly in his balloon. I have also added "Have sex in a hot air balloon" to my Cum Bucket List.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

A few things have changed since my last post.

- I ended things with Old Guy. This is kind of hilarious because I had just made that post about how funny he is to text and blah blah blah. And he WAS loads of fun to text and make out with and fuck, but I hated how when we were making plans to meet it felt like I was making an appointment, although I suppose that in a way that's EXACTLY what I was doing...

So last week we were making plans and then I stopped replying to his texts to pause for a minutes, and I realized that it wasn't fun in the way I wanted anymore.

So I sent him this: "This isn't fun anymore. It feels like I am booking an appointment. I think I'm done."

He didn't respond right away, which didn't surprise me. To be honest I didn't expect him to respond at all. His reponse was "Oh...ok." Which really lacks inspiration, as far as I am concerned. Whatever. I let him know that if we were to run into each other at a seedy bar I would totally love to fuck in the bathroom or alley or something. I think a sketchy hook-up like that would suit us well.

- Graveyard Guy tried booty calling me this week. It's been a month and a half since I told him I was not interested anymore and may have told him I was seeing someone (a lie). I ignored the text. He has a small penis and he has no idea what to do with my vagina.

- Guy #2 texted me in an attempted booty call last night. It has been over a week since I last heard from him. I wasn;t very engaging in the responses I was giving him last night and again today. I'm just not that into him.

-I have a New Fall Lineup of men. Stay tuned!