Wednesday, September 22, 2010

New Rule

Okay, so I am no stranger to online dating.  I mean, as someone who is not super great at approaching strangers in real life, online dating makes meeting people easy.  I have had several accounts.  I open an account, go on a date, hate the guy, delete the account, wait a few months, re-open account.  It's my pattern.  Whatever.

Today I opened my new account and I have already gotten lots of male attention.  Quick ego boost.

Today's candidates are:

- Foot fetishist
- 44 year old creep
- Cute but drunk weirdo who wants to video chat/sexy time
- Cute but strange guy who flip flops between being funny and talking about have aggressive anal sex and the sounds his balls would make slamming against my body.
- Some guy who claims to be a Cool Jew
- And some guy who wrote me a poem about my glasses.

So far the horrible poet guy wins in terms of potential meeting-in-person material.

The frightening thing is that a couple of these guys are people who's profiles look nice and intrest-worthy.  Maybe I made a bad choice by logging on at 3am?  Although, not all of the messages were sent super late.  The foot fetish one was sent around dinner time.

New Rule: a glass (bottle?) of wine before logging in to help me deal with the frightening messages that await.

Maybe that's a bad idea...but it might give me more stories to share.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Construction Mens: The Ultimate Fantasy Come True?

I never understood the construction worker fantasy. I mean, in THEORY, sure - sweaty, muscular men doing heavy lifting - sounds great! Right?! No. Reality, as per usual, disappoints. Or so I THOUGHT.

The scene: me, entering the Bay Downtown, sad to see it in its sorry state of disrepair, a wounded old beauty being spiffed up to look like...well, like the Bay Polo Park.

The setting: the scary grocery store in the Bay basement.

The cast: Your heroine (that would be me), suddenly surrounded by dozens upon dozens of GOOD LOOKING YOUNG MEN - all wearing orange stickers identifying them as Bay Construction Mens™! Alright, so the hardhats, dusty jeans, and work gloves would probably have done that too, while only adding to their down-home, blue collar charm. I have never, never, never seen so many good looking construction boys in one place.

The conclusion: Girls - get thee to the Bay Downtown for all your construction worker needs. Take a wander through any of the many floors and you will run into them. Tell them I sent you!

Actually, don't do that. That would be weird.

In closing, I leave you with this creepy, creepy video. It's not mine, but I um...think it suits this blog well.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Only?? Boys Here Are Too ~*~*HxCORE*~*~ for Me

One of our friends has been having really good luck with the boys here this summer. Being that I was elsewhere overseas, I had been having trouble figuring out how she'd had this sudden turn of man-luck in our dingy little city until this past weekend when I learned that the secret elixir was this:

hard-core kids.

Grungy, long-haired, often shirtless but sometimes well-mannered, the headbanging hxcore is something I'm just not sure I could ever bring myself to do, (both because of my aversion to greasy long hair and my theory that they have no idea what to do with a woman - which, yes, I realize that this is probably an overexaggeration). And besides that, this photograph right here is a really good example of why not:


But on the other hand, how many girls do you see in that crowd? It's a veritable goldmine of sausage party heaven just longing for a feminine touch. So just because I'm still too attached to hygiene and shirts (and my eardrums for that matter,) doesn't mean you can't partake in the hardcore cake. So girls, go get your hardcore boys!

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Incredible Ryvolution of Ryan Gosling

By far one of the sexiest boys in Hollywood the world today, Ryan Gosling has come a long, long way from his days as an awkward (but still sexy) teen actor on Canadian produced television. Not only is he ridiculously attractive and well-dressed and a heart-throbbingly talented actor, but this former mouseketeer is also a talented musician as showcased by his band, Dead Man's Bones. Let us observe the ryvolution:

Ryan as Sean Hanlon in the Canadian teen drama??? Breaker High, c. 1997

FUN FACT: As a scrawny young boy, he was yanked out of school by his parents and homeschooled after being repeatedly harassed by classmates. When he returned to school as an older boy, several of his teachers, according to Gosling, incorrectly mistook his natural squint for evidence he was a pot-head. - The Most Beautiful

c. 1998

Remember the Titans, 2000

His notoriously sexy role in The Notebook, 2004

c. Che, 2005


on the set of "untitled marital crisis project" starring steve carrell

the man is even sexy walking his dog! actually i think walking a dog is a sexy attribute of most stars.

wearing plaid, this is especially for Dukes' pleasure.

finally, playing a show at the FYF festival in LA this past weekend. guitar porn at its finest.

Michelle Williams is one lucky former Dawson's Creek star. Ungh. Where are the boys that resemble Ryan Gosling?!

Monday, September 6, 2010

The Boys!!! Turns out the boys are all gone.....

All our man friends are leaving us behind!

Toronto, Argentina, or far far east!  The fact that I can't reach you by a simple hop, skip, or jump brings tears to my eyes!

Goodbye dear friends! I will kiss your photo every night and see you in my dreams!