Wednesday, February 16, 2011


I spent Valentine's Day evening googling sexting.  It wasn't an especially rewarding activity.  It left me feeling perhaps a little out of the loop.  I had never really put much thought into sexting until they discussed it as a hot topic on the View.  Apparently teens can be sentenced to time in prison for sexting.  I didn't really do much research on this aspect of the whole thing but I think it's legal in Canada.
Now, hearing how much Elizabeth Hasselcrack disapproved of sexting made me realize something:  I would be such a pro at it.  The key to sexting is to memorize all these secret codes so the cops/your parents don't catch your ass.  I am pretty good at memorizing codes, it was a skill I learned when I worked in a deli and every kind of sandwich meat had a code.

Here are some really important codes I need to get down in order to excel at sexting:
8 - Oral sex
143 - I love you
182 - I hate you
459 - I love you
1174 - Nude club
420 - Marijuana
ADR - Address
ASL - Age/Sex/Location
banana - male : genitalia
CD9 - Code 9 - it means parents are around
DUM - Do You Masturbate?
DUSL - Do You Scream Loud?
FB - (expletive) Buddy
FOL - Fond of Leather
GNOC - Get Naked On Cam
GYPO - Get Your Pants Off
GYR - Grease Your Rat (a Hillary original for male masturbation)
IAYM - I Am Your Master
IF/IB - In the Front -or- In the Back?
ILF/MD - I Love Female/Male Dominance
IMEZRU - I Am Easy, Are You?
IWSN - I Want Sex Now
J/O – Masturbate
KFY -or- K4Y - Kiss For You
kitty - Female : genitalia
KPC - Keeping Parents Clueless
LMIRL - Let's Meet In Real Life
MOOS - Member Of The Opposite Sex
MOSS - Member(s) Of The Same Sex
MorF - Male or Female
MOS - Mom Over Shoulder
NALOPKT - Not A Lot Of People Know That
NIFOC - Nude In Front Of The Computer
NMU - Not Much, You?
P911 - Parent Alert
PAL - Parents Are Listening
PAW - Parents Are Watching
PIR - Parent In Room
POS - Parent Over Shoulder -or- Piece Of (expletive)
PRON - Porn
RU/18 - Are You Over 18?
RUH - Are You Horny?
S2R - Send To Receive
SorG - Straight or Gay
TDTM - Talk Dirty To Me
WYCM - Will You Call Me?

I then decided to test and record the sexy words my phone's T9 is capable of.
My phone can T9 the following:

My phone Cannot manage these:

I found it very frustrating that my phone does not include the male genetalia, but it is an obstacle I will eventually learn to overcome.  Some creative choices available to me are:

Please note that the available options are mainly men's names.  I guess it was a silly experiment because the codes exsist for a reason.  Plus, with my luck I would accidently text my boss or my mom the sexy things.

Okay, but, say I wanted the dude to tell his weiner I say "hi".  There is no code for this, so I could say "Hey babe, tell your pal Peter I say yo!"  Totally inconspicuous!  That really isn't a very sexy sext.  I am going to have to practice...

Monday, February 14, 2011

What IS the proper word, anyway?

i can't decide what word to use for penis in my new blog post
dick was my first choice, but it sounds vulgar...
both terrible suggestions.
make that alllll 3
woody isn't the worst...
it will be used in the same sentence as "mom and dad"
[Sam] 7:54pm
that makes no difference
you're still talking about a penis
i went for cock.
i added some humour at the end to soften it
i can get behind that

Happy VD! The itch is from me...

 I'm up to my eyeballs in chocolate.  Too bad it's all from mom and dad and no one with a cock to rock me to sleep tonight.

I wish I was up to my eyeballs in balls.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011