Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Wait what?

I felt this deserved its own entry rather than a mere edit and post-script:

Not a minute after I had hit post on that last entry, a boy with whom I had a drunk one night stand that I scarcely recall in my first year of art school sent me the following facebook chat message:

"dookie duty"

Make of that what you will.

Something's Always Gotta Give

So the wonderful boy I've been seeing since January is off to France for 3 months in a couple of weeks, really in a matter of days, to pursue a really awesome job opportunity. While I am extremely happy for/proud of him for it, my vagina is crying already. How wonderful is this boy? We're talking extremely funny, polite, intelligent, loves going down on me, penis for days*, and insists for some reason on paying for everything and enjoys going to art house cinema, gallery openings and theatre AND can hold a conversation. It has made the first third of my 2011 year entirely so great, and that's without factoring in our intense sexual chemistry**. With the chemistry factored in, well, fuck. Or lack thereof. I'm pretty sure that the withdrawal from all of the sex we've been having for the last 4 months is going to make me take up chain-smoking.

Oh well, two more weeks of magic and then it will be back to the average boys of this city with their average penis sizes, average lasting times and below averagely talented tongues. Until he comes back for 2 weeks in August*** before moving away for school again. Remind me to never date smart, ambitious boys ever again. From here on out, it's losers for life.

On the plus side, I'll probably have a lot more content with which to contribute to this blog. After all, summer in the city has not even begun.

* The contents of my waste basket are composed of magnum wrappers.
** We are talking hot, wild sex in which I pull muscles and glasses get broken and blankets get ripped for hours on end intense here.
*** At which time we will fuck on every possible surface until we hurt.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Missing Mojo

Have you seen my mojo? I certainly haven’t lately.

There are several unmistakable “it’s time to get back on the horse” signs that I have encountered within the last few months:

  1.       . Lets just say it's been a while and leave it at that. A very easy date to remember considering it falls on a friend’s birthday and facebook never fails to remind me.
  2.       My condoms are starting to expire!
  3.       I told my married religious friend about point 1, expecting her to be the ONE person who would maybe support my accidental celibate lifestyle, and instead of telling me that I should feel good and proud about it, she said something like, “Oh…. Considering that you’ve had sex before and know how good it is… that must be rough.” Thanks a lot!

Was I always this way? No! Fuck no! How did I get here?

Undergrad was a veritable smorgasbord of cute boys and firsts. First dates, first for-real make-out sessions, first boyfriend, first time a boy made me cum, first serious boyfriend, first bj, first love, first TIME, first heartbreak, etc!  My journal from the first three years of school reads like a racy rom-com about someone else’s life.

My journal from the last three years reads like a sad book you might find with the cover ripped off at a dr.s’ office. WHY GOD WHY!

What the hell happened?  Do I just not know where the boys are at? It might have been that I was stuck on someone, but recently I feel very unstuck (thank you baby J for that small miracle). It may have been that I was in a “focus on my future/career” state, but that’s going well and now its time to have some fun, I think! Time to go on dates and kiss boys that I shouldn’t and probably reconsider my aversion to casual sex.
Truthfully, I have an idea of where the boys are at. I see them sometimes, being all sexy, bearded, broad shouldered, smart, and funny around town. However, I’ve totally lost my mojo. I’m in some kind of shitty ‘afraid of men’ nightmare comedy starring my second virginity and some nearly expired condoms.

What is a lady to do in this situation? Meet men on the internet, of course! Stay tuned. 

Too Nice?

Yesterday I was faced with the dilemma of which guy to spend the day with: The Nice Guy OR the sketchy Drug Guy.

I made the decision pretty quickly and had the Drug Guy over for beers. It was innocent, unfortunately. We sat on my balcony and seriously just drank beer and chatted.

After yesterday's visit I realized that I am less attracted to him than I thought. This is not to say that I would turn down sleeping with him if the opportunity did arise, but I will be making little to no effort to get to that point. He is moving in across the back lane in a month, and we have made plans to drink together as well as other things, so who knows what could happen.

I spent today considering what drew me to Drug Guy instead of Nice Guy and I realized that the reason is so simple:

Drug Guy is confident, up for a good time, talkative, and proactive. He is weird, but I am drawn to him because he is outgoing.

Nice Guy is nervous and quiet and although he and I can have a conversation, I mostly have to keep the conversation going. He is quick to laugh, and he makes me laugh too, but he is kind of wimpy. He has also just gotten out of a marriage and it sounds like his wife walked all over him and to be honest, I could see myself being and asshole to him too. Not even on purpose, but because he would never call me out. He also has anxiety issues which prevent him from going out to bars etc.

I am NOT writing Nice Guy off...that would be stupid. But I am also kind of bored with him already. I am trying to think of something that will bring him out of his shell a bit more without freaking him out.

Nice Guy and I also have plans to build giant papier mache animal heads. It's nice that he is interested in making crafts and stuff.

I just need to wait until this massive zit clears up and my nose stops running.

Monday, April 11, 2011


Do I go for coffee with the nice guy who is actually interested in me and wants to hang out and do crafts?


Do I go for beers with the sketchy drug guy who is probably not into me but is better looking and probably bad news?