Wednesday, November 23, 2011

A Cold and Lonely Winter Ahead...

Since the summer my sex life/romantic situation has slowed down SIGNIFICANTLY.

All summer I rarely went a week without getting laid at least once, and now it's been over a month and as much as I want sex I don't feel that push to find it.

Maybe it's because there is snow on the ground and the idea of running around and going on dates seems like too much work. OR maybe it's because the person I really want to have sex with is not in the same city as me.

Hot Air Balloon guy was someone I tried to write off at the start. But now he is the guy I want to see. Just over a month ago he moved back home for the winter and I miss him terribly.

At least, I think I do.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how well we get along but I am also afraid that I am only wanting him because he isn't available to me.

What if I lose interest as soon as I see him again?

I guess that's something I won't know until he comes back.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Sex Eyes

Last week Zaza excitedly told me about a trick a mutual friend shared with her:


Now, this is something I have been using for a while without really realizing it is a trick. I just happen to be a complete horndog.

How to do Sexy Eyes:

- Spot an attractive person

-Tilt your head down JUST A TOUCH

- Lock eyes with them

- Imagine sexy things such as: You fucking them, them masturbating to you, you masturbating to them, them naked, etc.

- Throw in a lip bite

- These thoughts create a sultry facial expression

- The person won't know what hit them but won't be able to look away!

I constantly walk around imagining having sex with just about every man that crosses my path. I even have a problem where when I walk into a room I imagine that everyone senses I'm there and is immediately drawn to me sexually. Like my vagina has a magnet or something and it gives me immense sexual appeal. So I've been giving this look for months without realizing the power behind it.

I am going to work on honing it and turning myself into a Sex Eyes monster.

The day after Zaza told me about Sex Eyes I practiced at work. I combined it with the personal-space-assulting Shoulder/Arm Touch - when talking to a male customer I place my hand on their shoulder blade or arm and do a little rub when saying hello or goodbye. I was a hit!

My male customers bought way more! It was working! And very few of them were noticeably uncomfortable!

One customer, that I didn't have the opportunity to touch, stood out though.

I was helping some bitchy old ladies and a sweet looking young man passed by behind them. I immediately locked eyes and did the Sex Eyes at him. He blushed like crazy, which made me giggle, which in turn made him giggle! HE WAS MINE! He walked passed me a couple more times, and it felt like he was loitering a bit. I was so ready to go up and ask him out but the horrible old broads I was helping took FOREVER! Eventually he left and my heart left with him.

I recovered quickly from my loss because I realized I held immense power with the Sex Eyes and there would be MANY more opportunities.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Let's talk about danks

If I had a dollar for every boy who ever asked me to tell him what I really thought of his penis...

Ladies, I have discovered THE PERFECT THING TO SAY.

you don't want to lie to them and tell them they have the biggest dick you've ever seen (unless it is!)

and Jesus, please do not say "Oh it's just right!" (even if it is!)

Let's talk about the V/M ratio

The vagina/mouth ratio

The Perfect Penis makes your vag feel good, but also fits in your mouth

"Why should  the Perfect Penis fit in my mouth?" you ask? Seriously, if you're asking, stop reading this blog now, Prude.

So ladies, next time a dude asks you what you think of his dick

(I mean, provided you want to make him feel good about his junk)

Mention the V/M ratio. Tell him that its great because it makes your cootch feel good, and allows you to give great head too.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Friday, November 4, 2011

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Getting to Know Muffy aka TMI: Music To Grind My Hips To

I think everyone has at least one sexy song. When your song comes on all you want to do is grind up on someone. This could be a song, or album I suppose, that you tend to play during sex, or maybe it's something you save for your personal time (masturbating). Either way, it makes you feel like you are oozing sex appeal.

Your song starts to play and your ears perk up. At first your back stiffens because maybe you're at the music store, work, or the mall. Then once you realize people aren't staring at you because they know what this song means to you, you are able to relax into it. Maybe you start discreetly grooving your hips. Perhaps your walking a little differently now. Uh-oh, now the shoulders are starting to do their thing.

Before you know it, you are fully embracing your song IN PUBLIC! But you know what? It's awesome. You're not being vulgar or raunchy. You're just owning it and anyone who is looking at you now is probably admiring you because I bet you have a super great smile on your face.

These are my sexy songs.

The Dead Weather - 60 Feet Tall

Handsome Boy Modeling School - I've Been Thinking

Roxy Music - In Every Dream Home a Heartache

Mr. Little Jeans - Suburbs (Arcade Fire cover)

Iggy Pop - I Wanna Be Your Dog

Dan Auerbach - The Prowl

Summer Camp - I Want You