Friday, January 13, 2012

Can we just pause and relect on the insane truth this woman speaks?!

One of the gals brought THIS amazing blog post to my attention from bitches gotta eat.

From what I can tell, this woman holds all the knowledge.

Please read an excerpt below:

1 BE MASCULINE AS FUCK. i'm sick and tired of whiny dudes eating salad while wearing girl jeans trying to talk to me about their motherfucking feelings. can we be done with that already? SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THAT SOFT SHIT. i eat broken glass for breakfast, son. i have the heart of a lion and it pumps lava through my veins. it is simply NOT POSSIBLE for me to have enjoyable sex with a dude in his little sister's t-shirt who has shampoo blood and takes diet pills. i need some calloused hands against my backside, friends. if 2011 was the year of the baby-faced emo drinking his similac while rubbing his wilted penis into your thigh and calling you mommy, PLEASE OH PLEASE let 2012 be the year that men grow some fucking facial hair and and locate their motherfucking testicles AND FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU IN A BED HE CHOPPED DOWN A TREE TO MAKE WITH HIS BARE HANDS. i want to know that a man with a deep voice who slaughters his own meat is not going to put up with any of my goddamned shit. i want to know that a bossy dude with a dick like a beer can isn't going to cry while getting a goddamned blowjob. we need some dudes who put their fucking foot down and are not going to tolerate any of that backtalk, little girl.

Friday, January 6, 2012

The Reason I Am Still Going To Go For Older Men

Originally this post was called In Praise of Younger Men.

But then I actually had something like intercourse with one and I realized my mistake.

It all started when one young man emailed me on OkCupid. He was 21 and I am 24 and although the difference is years is not large, the difference in technique is very much apparent.

I am sure that there happen to be young men who are very good at sex, but this guy was not one of them.

We first met over drinks and when I saw him I was very disappointed by his choice in clothing but I knew he had come right from work so I held my tongue.
He was very confidant, which is a turn on, but he didn't really strike me as someone I would really make an effort to see again.

After Christmas I was bored so I agreed to meet him again and we spent the afternoon hanging out near my apartment. Again he dressed like shit and I chewed him out for it.

I admit I am superficial and care about clothing choices more than most people, but I generally don't give people shit for what they wear. He showed up FOR A DATE wearing dirty black jeans and an oversized hoodie.

And yet, I still had him back to my place?

He actually invited himself over, and I think I dug that... I have no idea. I was also horny as fuck.

I actually had myself convinced that he would come over and we wouldn't do anything but hang out. But then we were making out and in my head I was telling myself that I would ONLY take my top off. But then I had my bra off. And then my pants. And then I was naked...

This first encounter included no penis-in-vagina intercourse, it was all making out and hands and mouths.

He was amazing with his hands! And then he was even more amazing with his mouth! And when it got so intense I tried to squirm away and he growled and grabbed me and dragged me back towards him.

And then he used his hands again and he made me cum so hard I had my first experience with female ejaculation!

This is why this post was almost called In Praise of Younger Men. But then he came over again the other night and we had sex...

Now, I can understand that sex is one of those things you can improve on, and I would certainly love to help him do that if I was actually interested in persuing anything with him. But I was clear that this was a sex thing, and so it makes no sense for me to continue with it if the sex is shit.

Foreplay was great, as with before. I wanted him on top and he pre-warned me that he wouldn't last as long on top. I figured that it would be okay and he was probably just nervous.


He layed down on me so our entire torsos were touching. He couldn't figure out if he was in or not. He talked SO MUCH to the point where I had to tell him to shut the fuck up. He did not pump, he wiggled. He had no leverage. He came in 3-4 minutes.

I was gracious and laughed it off and then made sure he did a good job on me before leaving.

He did an excellent job with his hands but it didn't make up for the terrible sex.

He's been texting me constantly and I've been giving minimal responses. I've lost interest and feel no draw.

My co-worker said I'm like a dude. I get bored once they put out.

Thursday, January 5, 2012