Guy #2, Round two

Earlier in the week I had an interesting evening in which I fucked two guys in one night. The first guy was shit so I felt the need to make up for it by welcoming a second one into my bed after kicking out the first.

Guy #2 gave me a rough first impression but quickly changed my opinion of him by impressing me with his wit and interesting stories.

Before he left my place the next morning, a Tuesday, we agreed to try to get together on Friday as we both had the day off.

There was a litte bit of texting over the next couple of days and then on Thursday night he called me at 1:30am and we had a 1.5 hour phone conversation that felt like it lasted 5 minutes.

I really liked talking to him! He was funny and sweet and entertaining. At one point I was getting very sleepy so he offered to tell me a story. He started with "Once upon a time..." and I cut him off abruptly and told him to come up with something less crappy.

There was a pause and he started to confess to me...

#2: "I'm freaked out..."
Me: "Why? What's up?"
#2: "...I think I really like you but I know you don't want anything serious. I am afraid I am going to get hurt."

I didn't say anything for a minute because I had now idea WHAT to say. I just met this guy! He then started probing and asking questions about it, and I don't know what was happening, I am going to blame it on how tired I was, but I almost started to cry.

This was frustrating. I see crying as a huge sign of weakness and I have a super hard time when even those close to me see/hear me cry, nevermind some strange dude I just met!

He could tell I was uncomfortable and so he changed the subject and eventually let me go to sleep.

The next day we agree to meet in the early afternoon. We grab some sandwiches and quickly scarf them on my balcony before getting down to the important stuff.

He's good at fucking. And kissing. And at one point he compared his nuts to the engine of the Titanic.

We did that for a while and then he had to leave to babysit his nephew.

After he left I was unsure of how I felt about it. I thought about him on and off into the evening until I realized that that was it.

I am probably never going to see him again, and I'm content with that. Although, his stamina will be missed.

Hallelujah!

The Perfect Day

Old Fogey: Part 2

Last week I had my second encounter with Old Guy. It was amazing.

This time I just went straight to his place after work. Why waste time with small talk and drinks?

We got down to business right away. When we stopped for breaks he would sing and at one point he even danced.

This is his favorite song right now, he sang it very loudly and it was hilarious to see him dance naked like the guy in the blue jacket:



After going at it for a while we were laying in his bed chatting and he told me about how he had pierced a woman's nipple with three syringes a couple of weeks ago. Ick.

He tells me stupid shit like this to try and shock or impress me or something. He also told me about his MDMA trip the previous Friday and his coke binge a couple of nights earlier. He definitely does not act like a 43 year old. He acts like a complete idiot.

We did discuss keeping this arrangement going for a while. Which I am pleased about. The sex is seriously amazing. Gentle at times, and rough at others. And LOTs of making out.

After a while we got up and walked around his apartment before getting dressed. He went to the kitchen and I was in his living room checking my phone. All of a sudden I hear this WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! noise and I look up to see him going full force on his elliptical machine. Sandwich in one hand, the other arm flailing to keep balance, and his junk swinging like crazy. I nearly died I was laughing so hard. It was magic.

Shortly after that I stepped into the bathroom to tidy myself up and upon pulling my hair back I noticed THIS beast on my neck:



It is super sore, and tender, and horrifying. No makeup will cover it. It looks grey and splotchy and ridiculous.

I had left marks on his neck too, but none were as bad as this.

At the end of our romp, he walked with me back to my neighborhood and after parting ways I went and got myself a monster of a burrito to regain my energy.

Old Fogey!

In my last post I mentioned I was going on a date with a man 20 years my senior.

It happened last week and I was nervous as fuck because we had been texting loads. And sexting even more. He seemed really cool and I had already told him I had gotten myself off to the idea of him, which was true. So going into this we already knew a bit more about each other sexually.

The meeting went well. It was awkward at times, but not unbearable.

At the end he walked me home and outside of my gate it seemes like he was a little nervous trying to figure out how to say goodbye, which seemed funny because he came across a pretty cocky. He rambled on about scooters for a while until he ran out of things to say. Then he reached out and I thought he was going to shake my hand goodnight! Then he pulled me in for an awesome kiss, neck biting included.

I went to bed that night all flushed and lusting after this 43 year old man with slicked back grey and black rockabilly hair, cuffed jeans, and tattoos.

Then we texted constantly for the next week. Primarily sex themed conversations.

It was decided that last night was a good night to get together again. We had pretty much decided that sex was going to happen, and I was all for it because Graveyard Guy was such a loser in the sack and I was in need of a good lay.

Yesterday morning as I am getting ready for work at 8something am Old Guy texts me something that made me throw my hairbrush at the floor and curse him. This is out text conversation:

Old Guy: "Hey...I was going to have this conversation with you when I saw you tonight but maybe I should have it now... I just wanted to tell you a bit about my situation and my emotional availabitlity."

Me: (Thinking: "Ok. He is recently divorced and not ready for a relationship. This is fine. Sex if fine. Do I want a 40 something boyfriend? That would probably never have worked. Fuck, he is so hot.")

OG: "I am maintaining a polyamorous status. I am involved with someone but free to persue outside attraction but everyone needs to know what's going one. I though we should get it out in the open before I met you a second time. I think you're pretty and I would like to see you again but if you think this is too much for you I understand."

Me: This is the point where I kind of lose my shit. Looking back it was an overreaction (Thinking: "What the fuck....!!!!") I still don't say anything to him.

Then we go on and I am apprehensive because the definition of polyamorous is basically that you have two different relationships, and although there may be a primary person and a secondary person, they are generally pretty serious. Or that's what the internet told me.

So I am at work, freaking out. I didn't give him an answer as to whether or not I was going to meet him for coffee anymore because I didn't know if I wanted something this complex in my life. He made it sound intimidating.

It made me question myself: Who am I that last week I was getting strangled and this week I am considering entering a polyamorous relationship?!

I am vanilla!!! I barely even have sprinkles! When did I start taking an intrest in this stuff?!

Ok. So I decide to meet him for coffee and let him know that I probably won't be comfortable having sex with him at this point. I wanted to figure out what this poly stuff meant for me.

We met at a little cafe close-ish to his place and at first the conversation is kind of awkward. We talked about very un-sex related things. Then at an awkward pause I asked him what he expected from me. He didn't really expect anything, just whatever I was willing to offer.

He went on to explain why he was not in a monogamous relationship and it basically was him going on to tell me that he has slept with a lot of women and hopes to continue doing so. That his marriage fell apart because he drank too much and cheated. That the oldest woman he has been with was 32.

I also find out that in the 80s he dated my former co-worker who is now a 40-something spinster who lives with her sister and her cats. I realize I had heard about him many times because she was still hung up on him but hated his guts for being a womanizer. This is hilarious to me, but also kind of creepy. And maybe a little gross?

I quickly realize that this guy is an asshole. Big time. And anyone like this is not someone that I am interested in getting close too. I was so worried I was going to get attached but I see that it really won't be a problem.

I tell him about Graveyard Guy and how I could use a good roll in the hay.

When we get to his place he realizes there is no where safe to lock up my giant, super heavy, retro-style bike. He decides to carry it up six flights of stairs. I am impressed because the bike is super fucking heavy. I am even more impressed when he shows he can pinch my ass while carrying the bike.

We start making out. He is an awesome kisser and I appreciate the laying in bed and making out thing. Old Guy took things slow. Hand in underwear, not too invasive or urgent. Gentle.

Usually while making out and other things, I find my mind wanders to stupid things. That didn't happen with him. Everything was so good that I was into it the entire time!

Then we had sex three times. It was scream-loudly-so-the-neighbors-can-hear sex. Him on top, working magic and me practically tearing his sheets to shreds.

During the whole thing he had the nostalgia radio station playing and he even had Buddy Holly a sing-along. It was hilarious and terrible.

Also during each rest he was constantly admiring me and caressing me all over and telling me how awesome I look. It was really nice and a super great ego boost. Who doesn't want to hear that shit?!

Afterwards he of course had to carry my bike back down the six flights of stairs. I was looking forward to the bike ride home, but he was heading to the pub in my area and wanted me to walk with him. The conversation on the way home was meh. Since having realized I didn't like him much as a person, I wasn't interested in listening to him talk. Plus he was telling me ridiculous stories about the drugs he used to do and about how he smoked crack with a prostitue once. Why would I want to hear this?

All in all I feel like this is an awesome arrangement. I get amazing sex on the somewhat regular and I still get to date other guys. In fact, I am working on setting up two dates as I am typing this.

The Big Bash

My last night out in the big city and I go party hopping around town, allocating all of my funds to taxi's instead of booze, because obviously everyone should just be feeding me alcohol all night.

Party #1

I walk the six blocks from my apartment in super high heels, I am walking up to an apartment building and there are tons of people on a balcony. Of course thats where I am headed, and they look pretty promising, even from seven stories below. I only know two people there, so this is kind of my opportunity to meet people. However, it didn't take long for me to notice that as attractive as some of them are, all of them are from the suburbs. This makes networking pretty much useless. I flirted with this guy (with a bag of wine he had taken out of the box) forever just to find out that he was from the other side of the country! Useless! So I left. Maybe that was a bad idea.

Party #2

Also filled with people I didn't know, but this time it was more on the homosexual side. Which is fine. I met some guy who had a fun accent so we talked to each other in opposite accents. British people have terrible Canadian accents. There I had some amazing shots, not to sure what was in them, but they were a nice shade of peach and they were bubbly, so I had a few. I find out that one of my professors may have hooked up with on of his students! So scandalous and wrong. I want in on that action.

Party #3

I pull up in a cab to house surrounded by a mass of people. Meet up with some friends, one who was at party #1. By this point I really have very little recollection of what happened. I stood out side, talked to some people, took to some pictures, talked to some guy with a beard. Beard's name was Ross, I am pretty sure he had to ask one of my friends what my name was. This was after I started making out with him because he was boring. Some guy beside us exclaimed "thats so romantic!" so I had to stop. Because obviously it wasn't romantic at all. At this point I had lost my friends and they came back and we head off to the park. I don't want Beard around, but he just decides it's good to follow along, maybe because there was a bag of shrooms. So me on the park bench filled with boys. I don't want to toot my own horn, but every guy on that bench wanted in my pants. One was my hook up buddy, hie best friend had told him he wanted to hook up with me before his friend did, I had just made out with Beard and the last one kept on giving me hugs and saying "I am going to mis you so much" while digging his face into my neck and kissing me a little too friendly like...

How do I choose between all these winners? Well since they were all tripping on shrooms I had the pleasure of taking the neck kisser home. I call his sexy cousin to come down to the lobby of their apartment and pick this mess of a man. Should have gone up with his cousin, the only one that wasn't shit faced and when I gave him a hug I got the sense that he had a pretty nice chest underneath that shirt.

Good bye big city and hello simple small town boys!