My First Asian

I have finally, finally (finally) gotten around to this post. Let’s get the personal particulars out of the way right off the bat, shall we? I’m Daniel. No codename necessary. But isn’t that a guy’s name, you ask? And isn’t this a blog written by girls? Yes and yes. How very astute of you, dear reader! Wait…you're gay, right? Sigh...no, I am not gay. I’m friends with the girls who write this blog, and quite good friends (dare I say, besties?) with one in particular, so that’s how I fit into this whole thing. I’m from Canada but for the past seven months I have been in Asia. First as an exchange student in Hong Kong, then just chilling, and now traveling. I have pretty much no shame, no secrets, and generally try to be as honest as I can be. In addition, I have approached my time in Asia with a very “when in Rome…” type of attitude. That philosophy usually creates some pretty interesting situations and stories.

For several months now, I have been asked – and begged, pleaded with, and groveled at – to write for this blog. I have finally written this not because I didn’t want to before, but because I was too busy doing awesome things that you should probably be jealous of. Things like blackout drunk cliff jumping in the Philippines, riding elephants in Thailand, and feeding tigers (and bears and wolves!) in China. But now that I’m drunk in Bangkok and it’s 3 am and I’d rather not risk hitting on a girl who turns out to be a ladyboy**, I have some time to finally write this story. Asia’s a pretty wild place and over the past seven months I have accumulated some pretty ridiculous stories, of which some sex-related ones may be posted here. This is the first – and, I’m sorry to say, probably the tamest – of those stories. Don't fret though, potential future stories involve a biter, my first night in a brothel, being kissed by a gay man, and a ladyboy, so…yeah. They get more interesting. I promise. Anyway, here goes…

Background: One night I met these two girls when a bunch of us at school played poker. One is of Korean descent; the other is originally from China but now lives in Europe. During the game it became clear that the Korean girl was into my friend Ben. She was quite horny and very much dtf. Her friend from China was also at poker and there was some mild flirtation between us but I didn’t know how serious it was. They slowed the game down a lot and really, really sucked at poker (which annoyed me since I take it kind of seriously) but I put up with it because the Chinese girl is cute. I ended up winning poker but owing the Chinese girl a McFlurry. It’s pretty random, I know. Alcohol was flowing freely so I don’t remember how McFlurries got involved but whatever, McFlurries are awesome, they’re cheap in HK, and it was an excuse to meet up again.

A couple of days later, my friend Ben invited me out for half price sushi. I didn’t really know what the plan was or who was going other than Ben and two girls I had met recently, but it was half price sushi so I figured I’m in regardless of who would be going. I mean…half price sushi! And with a cute girl, too. Bonus. I was kind of excited. I showered. I shaved. I did my hair. I even shaved my balls (trimmed*, to be more accurate), moving them up in priority from my previous schedule where they had tentatively been penciled in for some time after midterms. It was going to be a big night.

I met up with Ben in front of our building and quickly found out that it was just going to be the four of us. The girls joined us shortly afterwards. I, not knowing the plan and exactly who was going, wore jeans and a collared shirt. The girls were both dressed up, immediately making me feel underdressed. I hate that. The Chinese girl wore a black minidress (tight) with heels (pumps, if you want the specifics). She had noticeably straightened her hair, which I found odd because being Chinese her hair was dead straight anyway. Whatever. It also looked like she had attempted to give it more volume but with minimal effectiveness. I didn’t hold it against her. As an aside, you all probably thought boys don’t notice things like this. I can’t speak for all of us, but I do.

As anyone with a functioning brain could tell you, going out for sushi is significantly classier than McFlurries. Because of that, I was fairly happy with this turn of events. At this point I still wasn't really sure if anything was going happen or if I was just going to be tagging along in support of Ben so that things wouldn't be awkward with just him and the Korean girl. Either way though, I was in because at least I was getting dinner out of it.

All throughout dinner, the Korean girl, who is way louder and more outgoing than her friend, was clearly dtf. However, Ben is one of those guys that is probably too nice to do anything about it. Despite noticing the obvious hints and innuendos, he acted oblivious. The Chinese girl, meanwhile, was quietly kind of receptive but it still wasn't clear at all how she felt about me. She was receptive one minute but then shying away the next, her eyes were dodgy, and she wasn’t saying much. I HATE when girls are like that. Don’t get me wrong, I totally think that you should make us work a bit, but when you can spend two hours with a girl and still not know if she’s interested, well, that’s frustrating. (I have since found this to be somewhat of a mainland Chinese thing. A lot of them do it and I hate it. It’s like they’re trying to let loose and then all of a sudden remember that they’re Chinese and should be more confined and conservative, so they reel things back in.) However, there was a shimmer of light during general “how was your day”-type conversation, as she mentioned that she swam that morning AND went to the gym later in the day. I said something along the lines of “wow, how ambitious” and she mentioned that her ex-boyfriend called her fat earlier that day. Vulnerability. Perfect. I can work with that. I was surprised she let this get to her since she is a tiny Chinese girl that is far closer to being underweight than overweight, but hey, lucky me.

In order to combat the Chinese conservatism, we wisely did what any group of young adults on a slightly awkward double date-type outing would do: we drank alcohol. First we ordered a bottle of sake. Then another bottle of sake. Then, once everyone was sufficiently loose, we ate disgusting amounts of sushi and cabbed home. I’m don’t remember when exactly it happened, but at some point, the Chinese girl seemed to like me a lot more. Having exchanged numerous sexy smiles and looks in the cab, by the time we got back to school you could feel that mischievous, up to no good energy in the air. The Chinese girl and I lived in separate halls but from where we were dropped off, we had to take the same elevator. Perfect. In the elevator I made my move. We had a brief elevator makeout, after which we acted like nothing happened once the doors opened, all the while smirking like idiots and giggling inwardly, as is of course proper elevator makeout protocol.

With the first kiss out of the way, the first major obstacle was the pesky security guard stationed at my building. Usually, only people who live in my building can get in after 11pm, even when accompanied by someone. This has ruined me before and I was praying it wouldn’t happen again. It’s a stupid Hong Kong rule and I hated (actually, still hate) it. Luckily, my security guard wasn’t there, which I suppose happens occasionally when she needs to take a piss or get a drink or something. How fortunate.

Obstacle number two was my roommate, but again I got lucky. He was sleeping at his girlfriend’s place, about a 50-50 chance on any given weekend. Two for two. Once in my room we made out some more and the touching started. Now in this situation, I typically have two worries. One is about not going overboard with the hands (so as to not seem too forward despite the fact that she is on my bed. Some sense that makes, huh?) and the other is about saying something stupid to mess things up. You see, I often make inappropriate jokes that could be taken the wrong way if you don’t know me and have a fear that one of them will eventually ruin me at a time like this. I managed to more or less keep my hands and silly thoughts to myself though and eventually, she reached down my pants. It was, in the words of the great Mandelbaum family, “go time”. Everything seemed to be going great and the breaks were going my way all night, and then, sex.

I don’t really know how to properly describe the sex and do it justice. I put it in and made a mental note that she wasn’t noticeably tighter than a white girl. Question #1 answered. After that, the sex was exceptionally mediocre and lacked passion. It was bland, vanilla, unexciting, whatever you want to call it. It was nobody’s fault, really, it was just that we had stumbled into having sex due to drunken hornyness on both our parts but I don't think either one of us was actually all that into it. She was pretty quiet (question #2 answered) and kind of did the dead fish but I didn’t care enough to do something about it and liven things up. Your first time is supposed to be special, isn’t it? By extension, shouldn’t the first time with an Asian be special too? Overall, it was kind of disappointing.

But as they say in England, every hole is a goal, right? RIGHT? Ugh. Oh well.

*I’ve tried shaving a couple of times in the past and while it feels cool for about two minutes, each time it has made me feel like a pedophile every time I touched my dick.

**If you thought the ladyboy stories/jokes were just jokes or rumours, I can assure you that there are plenty of them. And they creep the shit out of me.