How to Lose a Girl in 10 Words or Less

The question "why are you single?" has come up way to often this week. I don't have an exact answer to this, but my excuse that I don't live here and I don't want to have to leave the love of my life here when I go back to school. Or you know, because I don't want one.

So in my time of need I turn to internet dating. These are some gems that the bachelors of the internet have sent to me:

Subject: Hi

"Your cute, I wanna have you sit on my face making me to lick ur clitoris till your cum is all over my face."

Snap9000

Subject: Open to receive a prize!

"The prize is..... A compliment of how pretty you hair is (yeah im a dork)
But I had to try and get your attention as I am sure you have like
038475658382727hbhh746&$ messages in your mail box...
Anywhoozle, take a gander at my profile and hopefully I will hear from you
soon!
ps if you do not reply to me thats all cool... I just hope that I made you smile
and brought some :D :) into your day"
McAcoustic

Subject: Hi

"heloo :). You seem like a very interesting person and i just thought me not saying hi

would come back to haunt me lool and we wouldnt want that would we? lool. Just thought
i would give it a try :) by the way im kevin whats your name? :)"

Agili

Subject: Hey

"Hey!

So, you showed up in my matches!

I like to laugh and make everything into a sarcastic joke. It happens, right?

Now. I could write a resume. Tell you all about me. Like I am applying for the
position of the guy you are going to hang out with on Friday, or whatever. But
that would be boring and dull..

Wait, I could list out interrogation questions! Ask you things like what you do
for fun? or maybe something really deep... something like. "So where are you
from?" You'd swoon, realizing that I care about where you are from and thus 'where
you're coming from'.
Or, I could just delete all of this and type "Hey wazzup? Saw your profile. Ur
cute! hit me back and we can chat" That would probably work best. I mean, that's
what everyone does right? So it MUST work! Shouldn't it? Well, except for the
crappy grammar skills.

How about instead, I do this. I am intrigued by your profile, and think it could
be worthwhile to find out more about you.
You know, talk, and answer those age old questions, like:

"Is she a total basket case in hiding?"
"Will I fall asleep sitting next to her when we hang out?"
and don't forget...
"Is she just a guy with fake pictures, pretending to be a girl?!?!?"

Care to chat/ talk/ argue? :)"

OneSevenThousand

Subject: Hi

"sangria is gross, i had such high hopes for us too haha"

myzteriouzwayz

Subject: Hi

"I wish I could play the fiddle!! you have a such a sexy mouth!"

dapper_dan

Sigh, maybe tomorrow night?