Okay, so I am no stranger to online dating. I mean, as someone who is not super great at approaching strangers in real life, online dating makes meeting people easy. I have had several accounts. I open an account, go on a date, hate the guy, delete the account, wait a few months, re-open account. It's my pattern. Whatever.
Today I opened my new account and I have already gotten lots of male attention. Quick ego boost.
Today's candidates are:
- Foot fetishist
- 44 year old creep
- Cute but drunk weirdo who wants to video chat/sexy time
- Cute but strange guy who flip flops between being funny and talking about have aggressive anal sex and the sounds his balls would make slamming against my body.
- Some guy who claims to be a Cool Jew
- And some guy who wrote me a poem about my glasses.
So far the horrible poet guy wins in terms of potential meeting-in-person material.
The frightening thing is that a couple of these guys are people who's profiles look nice and intrest-worthy. Maybe I made a bad choice by logging on at 3am? Although, not all of the messages were sent super late. The foot fetish one was sent around dinner time.
New Rule: a glass (bottle?) of wine before logging in to help me deal with the frightening messages that await.
Maybe that's a bad idea...but it might give me more stories to share.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Friday, September 17, 2010
Construction Mens: The Ultimate Fantasy Come True?
I never understood the construction worker fantasy. I mean, in THEORY, sure - sweaty, muscular men doing heavy lifting - sounds great! Right?! No. Reality, as per usual, disappoints. Or so I THOUGHT.
The scene: me, entering the Bay Downtown, sad to see it in its sorry state of disrepair, a wounded old beauty being spiffed up to look like...well, like the Bay Polo Park.
The setting: the scary grocery store in the Bay basement.
The cast: Your heroine (that would be me), suddenly surrounded by dozens upon dozens of GOOD LOOKING YOUNG MEN - all wearing orange stickers identifying them as Bay Construction Mens™! Alright, so the hardhats, dusty jeans, and work gloves would probably have done that too, while only adding to their down-home, blue collar charm. I have never, never, never seen so many good looking construction boys in one place.
The conclusion: Girls - get thee to the Bay Downtown for all your construction worker needs. Take a wander through any of the many floors and you will run into them. Tell them I sent you!
Actually, don't do that. That would be weird.
In closing, I leave you with this creepy, creepy video. It's not mine, but I um...think it suits this blog well.
The scene: me, entering the Bay Downtown, sad to see it in its sorry state of disrepair, a wounded old beauty being spiffed up to look like...well, like the Bay Polo Park.
The setting: the scary grocery store in the Bay basement.
The cast: Your heroine (that would be me), suddenly surrounded by dozens upon dozens of GOOD LOOKING YOUNG MEN - all wearing orange stickers identifying them as Bay Construction Mens™! Alright, so the hardhats, dusty jeans, and work gloves would probably have done that too, while only adding to their down-home, blue collar charm. I have never, never, never seen so many good looking construction boys in one place.
The conclusion: Girls - get thee to the Bay Downtown for all your construction worker needs. Take a wander through any of the many floors and you will run into them. Tell them I sent you!
Actually, don't do that. That would be weird.
In closing, I leave you with this creepy, creepy video. It's not mine, but I um...think it suits this blog well.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
The Only?? Boys Here Are Too ~*~*HxCORE*~*~ for Me
One of our friends has been having really good luck with the boys here this summer. Being that I was elsewhere overseas, I had been having trouble figuring out how she'd had this sudden turn of man-luck in our dingy little city until this past weekend when I learned that the secret elixir was this:
hard-core kids.
Grungy, long-haired, often shirtless but sometimes well-mannered, the headbanging hxcore is something I'm just not sure I could ever bring myself to do, (both because of my aversion to greasy long hair and my theory that they have no idea what to do with a woman - which, yes, I realize that this is probably an overexaggeration). And besides that, this photograph right here is a really good example of why not:
yeah.
But on the other hand, how many girls do you see in that crowd? It's a veritable goldmine of sausage party heaven just longing for a feminine touch. So just because I'm still too attached to hygiene and shirts (and my eardrums for that matter,) doesn't mean you can't partake in the hardcore cake. So girls, go get your hardcore boys!
hard-core kids.
Grungy, long-haired, often shirtless but sometimes well-mannered, the headbanging hxcore is something I'm just not sure I could ever bring myself to do, (both because of my aversion to greasy long hair and my theory that they have no idea what to do with a woman - which, yes, I realize that this is probably an overexaggeration). And besides that, this photograph right here is a really good example of why not:
yeah.
But on the other hand, how many girls do you see in that crowd? It's a veritable goldmine of sausage party heaven just longing for a feminine touch. So just because I'm still too attached to hygiene and shirts (and my eardrums for that matter,) doesn't mean you can't partake in the hardcore cake. So girls, go get your hardcore boys!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
The Incredible Ryvolution of Ryan Gosling
By far one of the sexiest boys in
Ryan as Sean Hanlon in the Canadian teen drama??? Breaker High, c. 1997
FUN FACT: As a scrawny young boy, he was yanked out of school by his parents and homeschooled after being repeatedly harassed by classmates. When he returned to school as an older boy, several of his teachers, according to Gosling, incorrectly mistook his natural squint for evidence he was a pot-head. - The Most Beautiful Man.com
c. 1998
Remember the Titans, 2000
His notoriously sexy role in The Notebook, 2004
c. Che, 2005
AND NOW...
on the set of "untitled marital crisis project" starring steve carrell
the man is even sexy walking his dog! actually i think walking a dog is a sexy attribute of most stars.
wearing plaid, this is especially for Dukes' pleasure.
finally, playing a show at the FYF festival in LA this past weekend. guitar porn at its finest.
Michelle Williams is one lucky former Dawson's Creek star. Ungh. Where are the boys that resemble Ryan Gosling?!
Monday, September 6, 2010
The Boys!!! Turns out the boys are all gone.....
All our man friends are leaving us behind!
Toronto, Argentina, or far far east! The fact that I can't reach you by a simple hop, skip, or jump brings tears to my eyes!
Goodbye dear friends! I will kiss your photo every night and see you in my dreams!
Monday, August 30, 2010
The Boys Are... In Krakow and London, a Photo Essay Conclusion
It's somewhat rainy Monday and I'm feeling too lethargic to write anything substantial but I have been meaning to do this and I've been home for 3 weeks already, so I'll let the boys speak for themselves this time...
The end. A huge thanks to Poland and England respectively. Now where in the world are the boys in Winnipeg at?!
The end. A huge thanks to Poland and England respectively. Now where in the world are the boys in Winnipeg at?!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
The Boys Are... In University Dorm Rooms (Naturally)
Since Dukes shared her story, I figured I'd share mine. It's not nearly as epic, but it's still pretty funny and not really sexy in any way at all.
I was 17, and my best friend from junior high had recently been at my house to watch a couple zombie movies and subsequently had forgotten his psychology text book. He was living in the dorms at the University at this time, so we arranged for me to bring the text book by and play nintendo-64 or whatever you do in a dorm room that's about the size of a prison cell.
Before I go on, I should mention that although we were really close in junior high, we'd somewhat lost touch throughout high school and then ended up making out (for hours, it was a bit of a disgusting display) at graduation because I thought he was moving to Ontario and never coming back. He came back. We had also gotten kind of drunk during our zombie movie marathon and made out then, so obviously I had some expectation that something was going to happen in his dorm and I thought ahead enough to get waxed just in case.
So, I got there, we played mariokart (I think?) and then decided to watch Requiem for a Dream, because it was either that or The Cube (he'd only had 2 DVDs at the time). Now, if you've seen Requiem for a Dream (if not, I highly recommend it), you know that it's not exactly the sexiest movie of all time but it's not like that matters when you're 17. We start making out, get naked, and as Jared Leto shoots up we... (I don't have a good innuendo that relates to shooting up unfortunately) on his single bed which I would fall off of more than a few times in the following months that the tryst would continue.
I was 17, and my best friend from junior high had recently been at my house to watch a couple zombie movies and subsequently had forgotten his psychology text book. He was living in the dorms at the University at this time, so we arranged for me to bring the text book by and play nintendo-64 or whatever you do in a dorm room that's about the size of a prison cell.
Before I go on, I should mention that although we were really close in junior high, we'd somewhat lost touch throughout high school and then ended up making out (for hours, it was a bit of a disgusting display) at graduation because I thought he was moving to Ontario and never coming back. He came back. We had also gotten kind of drunk during our zombie movie marathon and made out then, so obviously I had some expectation that something was going to happen in his dorm and I thought ahead enough to get waxed just in case.
So, I got there, we played mariokart (I think?) and then decided to watch Requiem for a Dream, because it was either that or The Cube (he'd only had 2 DVDs at the time). Now, if you've seen Requiem for a Dream (if not, I highly recommend it), you know that it's not exactly the sexiest movie of all time but it's not like that matters when you're 17. We start making out, get naked, and as Jared Leto shoots up we... (I don't have a good innuendo that relates to shooting up unfortunately) on his single bed which I would fall off of more than a few times in the following months that the tryst would continue.
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