Saturday, July 30, 2011

Cave Man Part II: Flinging

I had a moment of weakness wherein I was going to skip Part II entirely, because it makes me look like a klingy little slut. However, in the spirit of all that is truthful in the world between men and women, I decided to share this unflattering account of what happened the second time 'round.

The night started out quite normally, at the house with the girls drinking wine or vodka or whatever we had on hand. Some boys come over, but no Cave Man. Somewhat disappointed, but not deterred I text him "I hope to see you tonight." He asks where I am, I tell him and invite him to come along. No Response. We drink more. I drink more. We start on our walk to whatever bar we can find. We walk past his apartment building, and there he is standing with his friend in almost matching plaid shirts. This is amusing to me as they are engineers and engineers always wear plaid.

I decide that I am not going to be to into him. I'm going to walk with someone else and try to look pretty. It takes two seconds for his long legs to catch up with me however, and it is no time at all before we're walking and talking and probably flirting but I can't really remember... soo...

Then I found $20 on the ground. That was great.

We get to some cheesy martini lounge and I make a b-line to sit beside him. And this is where I start to deteriorate, I put my leg over his. So subtle I know. The worst part was that he pushed it off! I waited a little while and then did it again. I can't remember if i payed for my drinks after that, he might have, maybe I just walked out, who knows.

We walk a block over to club and wait in line for a bit. The boys, who are standing in front of us in line, are about to get in when the bouncer realizes that we are all together and insists that the girls go in first. So a friend's girlfriend and I spend some time dancing by ourselves in the club, only slightly awkwardly. Thank goodness I was smashed and just used the money I found to buy us some stiff drinks.

The boys come in and we make our way out to the patio. We spend some time talking to each other and then somehow Cave Man has migrated to a table full of girls. Surprisingly I am not jealous, however I am starting to get very concerned that I might have to go home without what I came for, which is a good lay.

I set a plan into action to get him out of there; I am not going to go over there, however, I am going to try to be subtle and classy about this. I text him "I like your hair cut." Thats right. He is so going to want in my pants after that. It is sexy genius. This is why I have all the mens at my doorstep, because I just ooze creamy sexuality. When that doesn't work (obviously) I text him again "Get her number and then lets get out of here." This didn't prompt a response either, but somehow it made it back to the group. Or maybe it did work because the next thing I know we are on the street and two cabbies are fighting over who is going to give us a ride.

We make it back to his place and my clothes are off in no time flat. He makes his way to the shower. The last time I was there he had asked me to have a shower with him. I said no using the excuse that I have too much hair, which isn't really a lie, but its not the reason why I wouldn't have a shower with him. In fact, I don't want to have a shower with anyone. Bathroom lighting sucks. Also, showers is when I shave my armpits and thats just not sexy. Sexy and showers do not mix to me. But I am drunk so I'll do anything. I hop into the shower and I am not going to complain. Although it was a little tight maybe, and that lighting still sucks.

Once we're done with the shower I am freezing, so he gives me one of his big man hoodies. This is cute, but then we have sex again, and I am still wearing a hoodie.

I wake up the next morning to him kissing my face and caressing my body. This is sort of sexy and sort of like waking up to a dog licking my face. I am not really a dog person. I start to enjoy it though when I remember how much I like morning sex.

After a while he drives me home, after last times awkward goodbye in the car I try to mend this by giving him a super passionate kiss and then abruptly getting out of the car.

Later that day I text him something along the lines of "that was fun, lets do it again sometime." and then "you know, like tonight..." Obviously no response. I should have learned my lesson by now. And then I get "Who is this?" That little fucker. So I reply with "Seriously?" The delete his number. Later I find out that he also deleted my number and thought I was a cockblocker. Well, thats the end of that!


Stay tuned for Part III guys...

1 comment:

  1. I'm confused about how someone sleeping with you counts as cock-blocking, but I think it's probably just engineer logic

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