Cave Man Part I: Eggs

Since leaving school and my regular hook up to come back to my hometown for the summer I have gone on a couple little adventures that are worth noting. At first I feared that coming home would mean that I had the potential to go all summer without having sex. We all know how much of a travesty this would be to let a summer in the prime of my life go to waste. Determined to not let this happen I was excited when Zaza mentioned that I should hook up with a guy that I actually knew of when I got home, who I will now call Cave Man (for reasons you will find out about in Part III). Before I got my hopes up I made sure to run it by Jean-Jolie first, since she had hooked up with him in the past (ladies, always do this. don't cause shit, it's not worth it, unless it's for love, then run away and live together on your own), and after getting the a-okay I kind of got excited by this prospect.

Before coming home I insisted that someone organize a "thing" for me when I came back. I put Zaza in charge, who mentions it to a mutual friend, he suggests the party be at Zaza's steady hook-ups place. Oh, how convenient, did I mention that Zaza's hook up and Cave Man are roommates? Great. I must look amazing, and bring beer. We all know the way to a man's dick is through alcohol.

When I get there I am disappointed to see that Cave Man is not there, just his Sidekick, who doesn't even really acknowledge me. These guys are an awkward breed, they are not to great with social skills, or girls, or anything that doesn't involve working at a desk. So I just shrug it off, no big deal, I've only been here for a couple of days, and I refuse to take this as a sign of how my summer will go.

Eventually Cave Man walks through the door, he looks in at all the people in his kitchen and waves, I try to look sexy while giving a sly little wave back, when I realize that his roommate is standing right beside me and is also waving back. Great start...

We stand around, mingling, talking and nothing is really happening. The music is lame, the lights are bright and no one is really getting into it. The guys go into the bathroom and get high, save for Cave Man who looks sexy and bored. Finally he goes to the table and asks who brought the case of beer. I reply that I did and Cave Man says "this is your party, we should be giving you presents... how can we repay you?" totally not knowing what to say since this is pretty much the first contact we have had all night I stutter out "Any way..." while blushing. I know that every girl in the room just did an internal groan, because I am now "that girl."

We do some shots and leave for the bar. The group is divided, some go to the gay bar (i.e. me) and others go to a club (i.e. Cave Man). Fuck. How is this going to work now? I can't rub up him and pretend that my hand grazing his crotch is an accident. I text a mutual friend to ask for his number. I wait until the end of the night to text him, here is the run down of our conversation:

Houston: Where you at?

Cave man: Went back to my place, you coming?

Houston: Want to meet me half way?

Cave man: Sure, you at ___?

Houston: yeah, meet me on the south side of the street.

TADA! And that was it. Who knew that this could be so easy? Happily tipsy I bid adieu to my friends at the gay bar and meet up with him under the shade of night. We talk like we knew each other, and I convince him to give me a piggy back ride. It is one of my little tricks to make guys feel like they can assert their manliness as well as get close to them (note: this doesn't work if they are skinny little bitches who can't really lift anything, try to avoid embarrassing them if you have a feeling this won't work.

We get up to his place, he turns on the fire place, dims the lights and pours us drinks. We talk and finally he gives me the look that he is going to go for it. I stop mid sentence and climb on his lap. He lifts me into his bedroom, and I manage to kick a glass with my foot and spill all over the carpet.

We go and have sex. Then we have sex again. Then he kisses me on the cheek bone just beside my eye. I like this. It's late and I have to decide if I am going to stay or not. I do not feel like trying to get a cab at this time of night so staying is ideal if it's not going to be super awkward. I mention that I need to figure out how to get home and he invites me to stay. I ask if he has eggs on hand, he says he does and I tell him that I will make eggs in the morning. I take him letting me stay good sign, except then I spend the entire night awake rearranging the furniture in his room in my head all night.

At a certain point I can't handle it any more and get up and tell him I am making eggs. Reluctantly he gets up and follows, I make eggs, he makes smoothies and we sit on the couch and eat and talk.

Then we make out again, he asks if I can walk to the bedroom this time so avoid spilt milk shakes. He have sex again. This time it's pretty great. He commends how good my eggs are.

I need to get home eventually, so he offers to drive me home under the pretence that he is going to visit his family for sunday dinner. It is 9 am. I ask him if he needs to shower first, because I can wait. He showers, I clean up a little from the night before and the breakfast mess. Then I wait around at the dinning room table, and in walks his roommate, he doesn't see me, I say a cheerful good morning, slightly stunned he looks at me, and says "you made eggs."