The First Wave

Online Dating – Week 2

Status: I AM SO OVERWHELMED!!!

The first wave of men has been largely undesirable.

No! I don’t want a sugar papa!

No! I don’t want to tell you if I wear dresses and scarves sometimes!

No! I don’t want to think about what it would be like to be wined and dined by someone much older!

No! I don’t want you to come over and touch my feet!

No! I don’t want your phone number IMMEDIATELY!

No! I do not want you to be callin’ me pet-names!

No! Your spelling is atrocious!

No! JUST NO!

I Want:  Sexy Uglies!

Tall, broad, scruffy, deep voiced, meaty, stallions that are more Beast then they are Prince – that are charming and arrogant, with twinkles in their eyes – that look like they could have a woman for breakfast at dinner.

I don’t think that it is too much to ask for, because I am already sacrificing my lust for post-secondary educations and science.

There are a few promising options amidst the garbage.

I’ve been messaging regularly with six guys. Two are boring, so I will not bother describing them unless those conversations become more magical.

Bachelor #1: Donkey Kong

DK is 28 and a classic example of a Sexy Ugly. He’s tall, broad, and has big hands. He kind of looks like Donkey Kong (in one picture). He is arrogant, charming, and flirtatious without being gross (this is something that the men of pof have a very difficult time with). A quick look through our emails might suggest that we are enemies – Him, suggesting I do his laundry, and me, questioning if that’s his real age and making fun of him for having no post-secondary. I am concerned that underneath the fun-douche there is a real douche.

He makes me nervous in a good way. He’s older than anyone I’ve ever dated, and I find that thrilling. He’s been really vague about his life, but from what I gather he has some kind of job for the government, drives a car, and lives in a house. I am hoping its not lives-in-a-house-with-HIS-MOM situation. We’ve exchanged phone numbers and will probably talk this week.  

Bachelor #2: Scarf

Scarf is 24, tall, seems eccentric, and my gut tells me he is pof’s version of a bar-star. We’ve exchanged adventure stories (he used too many adjectives, in my opinion) and we’ve razzed each other a bit. He’s started being more flirtatious, but I am not 100% into it.  I just can’t shake the bar-star theory!

Bachelor #3: Race Cars

Race Cars is 24, really tall, and cute. He is more cherub-ish than he is a sexy ugly, though. Muffy has had some previous interaction with Race Cars, and discovered that he is/used to be (?) a race car driver and has his own ridiculous website (or something).  He hasn’t mentioned his former race-car driving life, but I eagerly wait for it to come up.

Bachelor #4: Lumberjack

Lumberjack came out of nowhere.  He is 22, and the shortest of the bunch at 5’10. I am not super keen on dudes that use the instant msging part of the website as a first attempt at contact, so I was not pumped when he did. Much to my surprise, we had a perfectly nice conversation. At first I didn’t feel into it at all, and made him do all the work, but then he got really funny/interesting (ie: he mentioned he was a lumberjack), so I decided to engage a bit more.  It turns out that we probably have a lot of people in common because he plays rugby.  When he asked for my phone number I told him that I don’t give it out right away, but I encouraged him to shoot me an email. Before he logged off he sent me a few jazzy/blues songs, and told me he’d be emailing me soon.

Bachelor #5: The Friend

I made plans to go for a walk with my friend this week.  We’ve known each other for like 6 years. I may or may not have a bit of a crush on this pal, but because of weird history stuff I’ve felt really uncomfortable with having said crush. A few weeks ago he came to a party and told me I had sexy hair, invited me a concert, and asked me to go see a movie. HOW did I respond? “I cut my hair with meat scissors”, “No thanks, I don’t like that band.” And my personal favorite: “I don’t really go to movies often b/c I am poor, so I usually just wait to rent… and if I can rent, I may as well just download it and watch it by myself. Like a date with myself.”

I am stuck in a web of my own friendzone. Recently, he’s revealed to me that he’s being celibate for the summer, so I asked him if he was free for a walk.

He has a pof too. He just msged me to say that my profile kills all future boners, and “see you on Wednesday”. I told him that I was happy to assist him on his quest for celibacy.

Even though I don’t think anything will actually happen here, I think its good to keep some variety.  He is the douchiest guy I know, and sometimes that’s all a girl really needs to cut the estrogen in her life and balance out the incoming testosterone.  He’s included as a bachelor because I am not horrified at the thought of hooking up with him, and because he had the audacity to msg me on pof.

OH AND, update regarding Dimples:

The date was fine. We clicked over conversation, but I wasn’t feelin’ it. He’s so little! He was really funny, charming, cute, all of that good stuff, but when he hugged me at the end, I didn’t like that he felt so small in my arms.  I gave him a mix cd (an awesome mix cd). That night he texted me to say he didn’t get a chance to listen to it, and the next day he emailed me to tell me it was “wonderful” and asked for the song list. I sent it and haven’t heard from him since.

On one hand I am annoyed that I didn’t get a mix cd from him, but on the other hand I am somewhat relieved. I liked hanging out with him and talking, but I couldn’t imagine myself having sexy-times.