Friday, March 18, 2011

I want to fuck a bicycle courier.


I have decided I want to have sex with a bicycle courier.


I have always had a thing for men on bikes. I can't even come up with reasons why. Why wouldn't I think a man on a bike is hot? I mean, c'mon.

But bicycle couriers are different then other cyclists. If you have ever met one then you know how they are almost inhuman. The stamina is insane! Plus they yell out a lot at cars and people. They use bells or horns with aggression. They sport great tattoos and piercings. They sometimes have ironic facial hair or those silly hats with the short beak. They smell kind of musky because they have been exerting themselves all day. They have lots of keys that make an attractive jingle noise. They wear shirts they have cut the sleeves off of and shorts that they have also taken scissors to. And they are kind of wonky in the head from taking so many tumbles.

I know you can see the appeal.

I was really struck by this need to fulfill my bicycle courier sex fantasy while helping a gentleman I recognized as a courier while at work the other day. He was a giant and had ridiculous wavy blonde hair that was styled in a way that made him look like he had been electrocuted. He had a MASSIVE mouth that moved in a very animated fashion and big teeth, one of which was chipped. His clothes were ratty, his backpack was full of patches, and he made a lot of noise.

I could not stop guffawing at him and dropping shit all over the place because he kind of put me on edge.

He was shopping for a fountain pen and he chose some really ugly one with ying yangs and flames all over it. I told him he had horrible taste but managed to convince him to buy rose-scented ink for when he writes love letters.

This particular young man wasn't my ideal fantasy candidate because I think what I am really looking for is someone with more pirate-esque qualities. Maybe someone who looks like Eugene Hutz.


I may just be confusing fantasies at this point... Let's recap. I want to have sex with a crazy tattooed and pierced man who whips around on a bike while displaying pirate-like behaviors and looking like Eugene Hutz. I would also like for said man to drink lots of beer.

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