IMBOYCRAZY

So I am obsessed with this wicked awesome blog that everyone should read because this girl, Alexi, is full of wisdom: IMBOYCRAZY.   Seriously, read it, love it, live by it.  This chick is good looking and funny and writes about sex and boys.

On this blog Alexi writes something called The Blind Leading The Blind and it is very important that you read ALL OF THEM.  I cannot stress how important this is!  They may seem kind of jokey and whatevs at first but they may hold the key to why no one likes you.  Just kidding! (Except not really)

Here is the most recent one, please look for my commentary in the *.

the blind leading the blind (part 46)- special ‘for dudes only’ edition (part 1 of 2):

1.  confidence is key! i cannot stress this enough! an unsure, all over the place, topsy turvey, confused, weak dude is not sexy. own your shit muthah-fuckah! know who you are. if you aren’t a master of something, at least be a master at being you! Jesus!
*Duh.  Very important, shouldn't even have to be said.*

2. be creative when coming up with date ideas. you never know; if planned properly, you could end up at the driving range with a bottle of champagne or making out in a park, also with a bottle of champagne! share an epic experience that will make both your lives more interesting!
*You know those conversations that are all "What do you want to do?" "I dunno...what do you wanna do?" and they go on for forever.  Just go home.  Stop trying.   What a waste of time.  It doesn't have to be hard, above are two great ideas.*

3. fuck like you have a big dick, even if you don’t.
*This is probably the best advice I have ever heard.  You fuck like you have a big dick and I will fuck like you're someone cooler.  Just kidding!  You're OK!*

4. call her on the phone, at least SOMETIMES!!!! if you REALLY want to see her, if you really want to make sure she got your text, if you REALLY MEAN IT- call her.
*Kay, except don't call too often because then I will probs get sick of you super fast.*

5. have a job you love and are passionate about that pays you well.
*I don't care what you do for a living as long as you don't bitch about how broke you are.  I don't fucking care.  That makes me want to shake you until your brain dislodges.  Let's see you make money now, loser.*

6. dudes! stop driving with your knees! I never see girls doing this! why do you do this?! What the fuck are you trying to proves anywayz! it’s scary and unnecessary!
*This one is dumb.*

7. choose your gear wisely dudes… wisely! all it takes is some stupid pair of shoes or embroidered flappy jean pockets to make a girl walk in the opposite direction. try not to blow it before you even open your mouth! and when you do, it should be to eat her pussy! what? too far?
*This is so true!  Something as little and dirty nail beds, yellow toenails, or anything Ed Hardy is a major turnoff.  Guys need to be more savy and observant.  Read blogs or stop taking fashion advice from Jersey Shore or something.*

8. no backhanded compliments as a woo’ing tactic, but sexy sarcasm is great.
*Obviously.*

9. dudes, wash behind your ears. it smells like mildew back there! especially if you wear a hat or glasses or BOTH! YOU can’t smell it, but we can! Same goes for your privates! Use apricot soap EVERYWHERE!
*No chick wants to run into smegma or smegma-like substances.  That is some nasty shit.  Learn to shower you dirty freak.*

10. be amazing in bed! be confident, and TOTALLY eat her pussy! be a master at getting her off by sucking on her mother fucking pussy! and don’t just suck: lick, tickle, flick (with the tip of your tongue), kiss, and slowly/deeply stick your finger inside her. MAKE A WOMAN COMING IN YOUR MOUTH YOUR MISSION! IT WILL MAKE YOU VIRTUALY INDESPENSABLE AND GIVE YOU EPIC WORD OF MOUTH! i promise!
*Some girls don't like this, which I don't get.  I like this very much.*

11. size matters, but gurth is more important than length. AND IF BOTH ARE AN ISSUE, PLEASE REFER TO #10.
*Please refer to #3 as well.  But mostly #10.*

12. don’t walk around with your arms crossed. that’s some serious bad body language AND automatically implies you’re a pussy.
*Ahaha.  I have never gotten along well with anyone who does this.  This is caused by a severe case of Douchbag.  There is no cure.*


As you can see, this chick has some very sage advice to share with you.  Show this to your lame boyfriends so that they can realize all the things they are doing wrong.