Male Friend's Night Out

Context: This is a SMS conversation between myself and the male friend mentioned in my previous post. He's happy to be single again because he gets to tell stories like this one.

 

Male Friend: funny story last night

Zima: oh, good.

Male Friend: went to celebrities (gay bar on davie). Predictably it was about 50% straight chicks. Chick comes up to me and says "why does everyone keep saying happy birthday. This is a wedding veil. NOT a birthday veil!"

Male Friend: girl proceeds to complain that guys are hitting on her, and that they should respect her upcoming wedding by not hitting on her.

Zima: ...and you fucked her?

Male Friend: Soon we are on the dance floor making out and she's rubbing my bone

Male Friend: it's about 1:30 and she's "do you want to go back to your place?"

Male Friend: I'm like sure, let's go grab a cigarette outside first

Male Friend: we go outside. I say "close your eyes. I want to kiss you."

Male Friend: closes her eyes. I pimp-slap her and call her a whore. Then I get into a cab and drive away