Male Friend's Night Out

Context: This is a SMS conversation between myself and the male friend mentioned in my previous post. He's happy to be single again because he gets to tell stories like this one.

 

Male Friend: funny story last night

Zima: oh, good.

Male Friend: went to celebrities (gay bar on davie). Predictably it was about 50% straight chicks. Chick comes up to me and says "why does everyone keep saying happy birthday. This is a wedding veil. NOT a birthday veil!"

Male Friend: girl proceeds to complain that guys are hitting on her, and that they should respect her upcoming wedding by not hitting on her.

Zima: ...and you fucked her?

Male Friend: Soon we are on the dance floor making out and she's rubbing my bone

Male Friend: it's about 1:30 and she's "do you want to go back to your place?"

Male Friend: I'm like sure, let's go grab a cigarette outside first

Male Friend: we go outside. I say "close your eyes. I want to kiss you."

Male Friend: closes her eyes. I pimp-slap her and call her a whore. Then I get into a cab and drive away

Question:

When you run into a one night stand that you met at the bar while drunk and then proceeded to spend the majority of the next day with, is it okay to pretend you don't know them when you run into them months later?

Or am I just really weird and awkward?

But I guess he is awkward too.

Male Friend's POV on Dumping a Terrible Girl

"Breakups feel bad. It's like... having your asshole pit bull put down. I mean, sure, it bit your kid but you still feel kind of shitty after. And the sex. I'll miss the sex."

What Separates Men From Boys

The following is an excerpt from a text conversation I had earlier with a guy I was seeing for a few weeks. The back story: he's great on paper -- smart, funny, has a great job, owns a car. In practice however, he's rather timid, somewhat shy, and incredibly awkward, which I found endearing... until I didn't. He has a big dick, he lasts a long time, and he knows how to use it and his fingers, but not once in the handful of times we had sex did he so much as attempt to take his mouth anywhere below my chest. He also nearly cried when there was a little blood on the condom once. Definitely wasn't going to work.

Last night he started asking me for dating/girl advice, as when I broke it off with him I told him "I think that you're perfect for someone, it's just not me," and as all nice guys do, he wanted to stay friends. He's tried a bit of online dating that's led to nothing, and he doesn't really know how to approach women IRL, but he says that with his new great job, he's finding himself wanting to settle down more and more, (keep in mind, still lives with his parents. Settle in the basement? I don't know.) He's also decided that he wants to date older women. Right.

I gave him some tips, and then went to meet my friend for a few drinks. He texted me more while out, and eventually I felt that this was the appropriate response:

Me: Alright, I'm going to give you the best advice you'll ever get: IF you are going to try dating older women you're going to need to get over your fear of blood, and you're going to need to start going down on them - and I mean that honestly for your own advancement, and in no way as an insult.
Me: Not necessarily at the same time.
Him: I had 2 gut-wrenching experiences in that department, so I'm not sure
Me: In which department?
Him: Going down...
Me: So? You think your spunk tastes like jolly ranchers or something?
Him: I don't know.
Me: Well, it doesn't.
Him: Okay
Me: It separates the men from the boys. And women want men. Otherwise you may as well stick to dating teenagers.

You know that thing...

...where you finally getting around to sleeping with that guy from last summer and then he's like, "Btw, I know a bunch of your close friends."

and by "know a bunch of your close friends" he means he once slow danced with your (soon to be!!!!!) roommate at a junior high dance and got a boner.

I've realized...

I realized this weekend that I was not very honest with myself and it took a little reflection to catch on.

I spent the entire weekend hanging out with awesome people but I kept finding myself distracted but my lack of contact with D&D and I now understand that this casual arrangement is really not working for me.

I went from a relationship that smothered me to the total opposite where I felt kind of lonely most of the time. D&D is so hot and cold. Awesome when we were alone together but not so great otherwise.

And why should I settle?!

So Sunday, after I got home from a night of partying with new friends, I sat down at my computer and with determination I emailed 30+ men.

I emailed men that i thought were meh and I emailed men that I may have once considered out of my league.

I sent them all the message "Hey, would you like to grab a drink sometime?"

Within a few minutes i got a response from a guy who I wasn't super excited about but he seemed friendly and upbeat. He asked if I had any plans that night and we agreed to meet for tea in half an hour.

I had to hustle to get my cute on as I was in sweats with no makeup on...

When I showed up at the cafe he was way cuter than his pictures! He was dressed well and was really friendly and chatty right away.

We had no problem talking for over an hour and then agreed to go for a walk. Since we were in my area he let me talk the lead on our route and I directed him to a park because I have a thing for swings.

We hung out on the playground for a bit until it started to rain really hard. By the time we got close to my place/his car we were both SOAKED. Since I was damp and it was late-ish on a Sunday night I decided it was an okay time to call it a night.

I hugged him goodbye and we made vague plans to meet later in the week. As I was walking up to my house he shouts "WAIT! I have a song I recorded that I want you to hear!" Of course I agreed to listen to it and it was super cute. He also played me some other songs that one of his bands recorded and we continued talking for a bit.

Eventually we had to relocate to sitting on my stoop because the rain was coming down so hard and we ended up chatting for another hour.

In the end we agreed that he will take me out for dinner on Friday night.

I'm super pleased by this random turn of events and I'm really interested to see how things go with this guy.

FINGER CROSSED!

by my favourite Thought Catalog blogger....

THE COMPLETE GUIDE TO HAVING SEX IN YOUR 20s!!!

also: more coco stories soon? yeah! maybe! probably!

It's Friday the 13th and I've already spotted two men who have seen me at least partially nude. THE DAY IS YOUNG.