What Separates Men From Boys

The following is an excerpt from a text conversation I had earlier with a guy I was seeing for a few weeks. The back story: he's great on paper -- smart, funny, has a great job, owns a car. In practice however, he's rather timid, somewhat shy, and incredibly awkward, which I found endearing... until I didn't. He has a big dick, he lasts a long time, and he knows how to use it and his fingers, but not once in the handful of times we had sex did he so much as attempt to take his mouth anywhere below my chest. He also nearly cried when there was a little blood on the condom once. Definitely wasn't going to work.

Last night he started asking me for dating/girl advice, as when I broke it off with him I told him "I think that you're perfect for someone, it's just not me," and as all nice guys do, he wanted to stay friends. He's tried a bit of online dating that's led to nothing, and he doesn't really know how to approach women IRL, but he says that with his new great job, he's finding himself wanting to settle down more and more, (keep in mind, still lives with his parents. Settle in the basement? I don't know.) He's also decided that he wants to date older women. Right.

I gave him some tips, and then went to meet my friend for a few drinks. He texted me more while out, and eventually I felt that this was the appropriate response:

Me: Alright, I'm going to give you the best advice you'll ever get: IF you are going to try dating older women you're going to need to get over your fear of blood, and you're going to need to start going down on them - and I mean that honestly for your own advancement, and in no way as an insult.
Me: Not necessarily at the same time.
Him: I had 2 gut-wrenching experiences in that department, so I'm not sure
Me: In which department?
Him: Going down...
Me: So? You think your spunk tastes like jolly ranchers or something?
Him: I don't know.
Me: Well, it doesn't.
Him: Okay
Me: It separates the men from the boys. And women want men. Otherwise you may as well stick to dating teenagers.

Can we just pause and relect on the insane truth this woman speaks?!

One of the gals brought THIS amazing blog post to my attention from bitches gotta eat.

From what I can tell, this woman holds all the knowledge.

Please read an excerpt below:

1 BE MASCULINE AS FUCK. i'm sick and tired of whiny dudes eating salad while wearing girl jeans trying to talk to me about their motherfucking feelings. can we be done with that already? SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THAT SOFT SHIT. i eat broken glass for breakfast, son. i have the heart of a lion and it pumps lava through my veins. it is simply NOT POSSIBLE for me to have enjoyable sex with a dude in his little sister's t-shirt who has shampoo blood and takes diet pills. i need some calloused hands against my backside, friends. if 2011 was the year of the baby-faced emo drinking his similac while rubbing his wilted penis into your thigh and calling you mommy, PLEASE OH PLEASE let 2012 be the year that men grow some fucking facial hair and and locate their motherfucking testicles AND FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU IN A BED HE CHOPPED DOWN A TREE TO MAKE WITH HIS BARE HANDS. i want to know that a man with a deep voice who slaughters his own meat is not going to put up with any of my goddamned shit. i want to know that a bossy dude with a dick like a beer can isn't going to cry while getting a goddamned blowjob. we need some dudes who put their fucking foot down and are not going to tolerate any of that backtalk, little girl.