Since the summer my sex life/romantic situation has slowed down SIGNIFICANTLY.
All summer I rarely went a week without getting laid at least once, and now it's been over a month and as much as I want sex I don't feel that push to find it.
Maybe it's because there is snow on the ground and the idea of running around and going on dates seems like too much work. OR maybe it's because the person I really want to have sex with is not in the same city as me.
Hot Air Balloon guy was someone I tried to write off at the start. But now he is the guy I want to see. Just over a month ago he moved back home for the winter and I miss him terribly.
At least, I think I do.
I spend a lot of time thinking about how well we get along but I am also afraid that I am only wanting him because he isn't available to me.
What if I lose interest as soon as I see him again?
I guess that's something I won't know until he comes back.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Sex Eyes
Last week Zaza excitedly told me about a trick a mutual friend shared with her:
SEX EYES
Now, this is something I have been using for a while without really realizing it is a trick. I just happen to be a complete horndog.
How to do Sexy Eyes:
- Spot an attractive person
-Tilt your head down JUST A TOUCH
- Lock eyes with them
- Imagine sexy things such as: You fucking them, them masturbating to you, you masturbating to them, them naked, etc.
- Throw in a lip bite
- These thoughts create a sultry facial expression
- The person won't know what hit them but won't be able to look away!
I constantly walk around imagining having sex with just about every man that crosses my path. I even have a problem where when I walk into a room I imagine that everyone senses I'm there and is immediately drawn to me sexually. Like my vagina has a magnet or something and it gives me immense sexual appeal. So I've been giving this look for months without realizing the power behind it.
I am going to work on honing it and turning myself into a Sex Eyes monster.
The day after Zaza told me about Sex Eyes I practiced at work. I combined it with the personal-space-assulting Shoulder/Arm Touch - when talking to a male customer I place my hand on their shoulder blade or arm and do a little rub when saying hello or goodbye. I was a hit!
My male customers bought way more! It was working! And very few of them were noticeably uncomfortable!
One customer, that I didn't have the opportunity to touch, stood out though.
I was helping some bitchy old ladies and a sweet looking young man passed by behind them. I immediately locked eyes and did the Sex Eyes at him. He blushed like crazy, which made me giggle, which in turn made him giggle! HE WAS MINE! He walked passed me a couple more times, and it felt like he was loitering a bit. I was so ready to go up and ask him out but the horrible old broads I was helping took FOREVER! Eventually he left and my heart left with him.
I recovered quickly from my loss because I realized I held immense power with the Sex Eyes and there would be MANY more opportunities.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Let's talk about danks
If I had a dollar for every boy who ever asked me to tell him what I really thought of his penis...
Ladies, I have discovered THE PERFECT THING TO SAY.
you don't want to lie to them and tell them they have the biggest dick you've ever seen (unless it is!)
and Jesus, please do not say "Oh it's just right!" (even if it is!)
Let's talk about the V/M ratio
The vagina/mouth ratio
The Perfect Penis makes your vag feel good, but also fits in your mouth
"Why should the Perfect Penis fit in my mouth?" you ask? Seriously, if you're asking, stop reading this blog now, Prude.
So ladies, next time a dude asks you what you think of his dick
(I mean, provided you want to make him feel good about his junk)
Mention the V/M ratio. Tell him that its great because it makes your cootch feel good, and allows you to give great head too.
Ladies, I have discovered THE PERFECT THING TO SAY.
you don't want to lie to them and tell them they have the biggest dick you've ever seen (unless it is!)
and Jesus, please do not say "Oh it's just right!" (even if it is!)
Let's talk about the V/M ratio
The vagina/mouth ratio
The Perfect Penis makes your vag feel good, but also fits in your mouth
"Why should the Perfect Penis fit in my mouth?" you ask? Seriously, if you're asking, stop reading this blog now, Prude.
So ladies, next time a dude asks you what you think of his dick
(I mean, provided you want to make him feel good about his junk)
Mention the V/M ratio. Tell him that its great because it makes your cootch feel good, and allows you to give great head too.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Getting to Know Muffy aka TMI: Music To Grind My Hips To
I think everyone has at least one sexy song. When your song comes on all you want to do is grind up on someone. This could be a song, or album I suppose, that you tend to play during sex, or maybe it's something you save for your personal time (masturbating). Either way, it makes you feel like you are oozing sex appeal.
Your song starts to play and your ears perk up. At first your back stiffens because maybe you're at the music store, work, or the mall. Then once you realize people aren't staring at you because they know what this song means to you, you are able to relax into it. Maybe you start discreetly grooving your hips. Perhaps your walking a little differently now. Uh-oh, now the shoulders are starting to do their thing.
Before you know it, you are fully embracing your song IN PUBLIC! But you know what? It's awesome. You're not being vulgar or raunchy. You're just owning it and anyone who is looking at you now is probably admiring you because I bet you have a super great smile on your face.
These are my sexy songs.
The Dead Weather - 60 Feet Tall
Handsome Boy Modeling School - I've Been Thinking
Roxy Music - In Every Dream Home a Heartache
Mr. Little Jeans - Suburbs (Arcade Fire cover)
Iggy Pop - I Wanna Be Your Dog
Dan Auerbach - The Prowl
Summer Camp - I Want You
Friday, October 28, 2011
Old Guy 2.0: Awesome date leads to confusion and an awkward exit...
Since my last post I have ended things with Hot Air Balloon Guy and continued hanging out with Old Guy 2.0.
The other night 2.0 and I had a nice date (I'm actually not sure if what we are doing is going on dates, but last night felt datey until it suddenly didn't...). We went for dinner, on his dime, to Restaurant Dubrovnik because he had some sort of a deal there. As you can see by a quick glance at their website, it's a pretty snazzy place and certainly one of the higher priced restaurants in the city.
We were the only people there and had a really fun time acting snobby. We shared our meals and after our plates were cleared he mentioned that he had considered jokingly proposing marriage to me. He had even gone as far as to try and find a small box for a fake ring.
Our next activity was a concert. We decided to sit in some seats on the small balcony and chose some in a cozy corner close to the stage.
I sat with my legs crossed towards him so that my dress hiked up. I was leaning on him and made sure there was lots of physical contact. I even touched his thigh while excitedly making a point about something! There was way more flirting this time, and sex jokes like crazy.
I asked him if he dances and he said no. Then he got up out of his seat and showed me why. He did the most ridiculous dances for me including The Drunken Dad At A Social which had some amazing leg twitching and The Firehose which had some very intense gyrating near my face.
The first band was meh so we leaned in close and made fun of them. The second band was much better and we both shimmied in our seats quite a bit.
Things got kind of weird when we were chatting between the second and third bands...
He asked me what my "type" is and I told him I didn't really have one, which is true, my taste in men is all over the place. He said he didn't really have a type either. Then we proceeded to pick out people from the audience below that we thought were attractive. He only picked out one girl, and she looked a lot like me, which was comforting I guess? Then I picked out one guy and he agreed that the guy was attractive. Then he continued to pick out more guys...
I asked if he had been with a guy and he said yes and I think I may have just shrugged in response. This news honestly did not bother me at all, and I wasn't actually surprised by it. Then we spent the rest of the intermission criticizing the audience's clothing choices.
The car ride home was quieter than usual. All the flirtyness was gone. He wasn't as animated as before and we didn't talk much, although he did sing a little. When we pulled up to my place the goodbye was boring and I was uncomfortable.
This morning we went to Comic Con together. He won tickets and I had always been curious.
It pretty much lived up to my standards and we had a blast listening to the nerd conversations.
While admiring costumes some talk of fetish came up. Nothing scary or crazy, but I can tell we would have fun if we ever sleep together.
It is seriously driving me bonkers that we havent fucked yet. It is all I think about.
I have plans with the Original Old Guy on Wednesday. He is coming over for a romp and has promised to leave me "convulsing in a pool of human fluids" which is something I am looking forward to.
I am also emailing with a 48 year old. My new goal is to have sex with a man twice my age. I am hoping this will tide me over for a while and take my mind off things with 2.0.
The other night 2.0 and I had a nice date (I'm actually not sure if what we are doing is going on dates, but last night felt datey until it suddenly didn't...). We went for dinner, on his dime, to Restaurant Dubrovnik because he had some sort of a deal there. As you can see by a quick glance at their website, it's a pretty snazzy place and certainly one of the higher priced restaurants in the city.
We were the only people there and had a really fun time acting snobby. We shared our meals and after our plates were cleared he mentioned that he had considered jokingly proposing marriage to me. He had even gone as far as to try and find a small box for a fake ring.
Our next activity was a concert. We decided to sit in some seats on the small balcony and chose some in a cozy corner close to the stage.
I sat with my legs crossed towards him so that my dress hiked up. I was leaning on him and made sure there was lots of physical contact. I even touched his thigh while excitedly making a point about something! There was way more flirting this time, and sex jokes like crazy.
I asked him if he dances and he said no. Then he got up out of his seat and showed me why. He did the most ridiculous dances for me including The Drunken Dad At A Social which had some amazing leg twitching and The Firehose which had some very intense gyrating near my face.
The first band was meh so we leaned in close and made fun of them. The second band was much better and we both shimmied in our seats quite a bit.
Things got kind of weird when we were chatting between the second and third bands...
He asked me what my "type" is and I told him I didn't really have one, which is true, my taste in men is all over the place. He said he didn't really have a type either. Then we proceeded to pick out people from the audience below that we thought were attractive. He only picked out one girl, and she looked a lot like me, which was comforting I guess? Then I picked out one guy and he agreed that the guy was attractive. Then he continued to pick out more guys...
I asked if he had been with a guy and he said yes and I think I may have just shrugged in response. This news honestly did not bother me at all, and I wasn't actually surprised by it. Then we spent the rest of the intermission criticizing the audience's clothing choices.
The car ride home was quieter than usual. All the flirtyness was gone. He wasn't as animated as before and we didn't talk much, although he did sing a little. When we pulled up to my place the goodbye was boring and I was uncomfortable.
This morning we went to Comic Con together. He won tickets and I had always been curious.
It pretty much lived up to my standards and we had a blast listening to the nerd conversations.
While admiring costumes some talk of fetish came up. Nothing scary or crazy, but I can tell we would have fun if we ever sleep together.
It is seriously driving me bonkers that we havent fucked yet. It is all I think about.
I have plans with the Original Old Guy on Wednesday. He is coming over for a romp and has promised to leave me "convulsing in a pool of human fluids" which is something I am looking forward to.
I am also emailing with a 48 year old. My new goal is to have sex with a man twice my age. I am hoping this will tide me over for a while and take my mind off things with 2.0.
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