A site I love so much is The Frisky. I have learned so many things regarding celebrities and strange animal genetalia from those guys.

Today, while browsing some awesome articles I came across THIS LIST. 20 Shameful Secret Single Girl Behaviors that We're Proud To Admit To.

I really do 99% of these, even though I have roommates and I'm not really single (he just doesn't live in the same city as me). And, really, the list applies to both genders.

Let me post it here so your convenience.

20 Shameful Secret Single Girl Behaviors That We’re Proud To Admit To

1. Playing Tetris on the iPhone while watching “The Real Housewives” on TV. Obviously, this is about conflict resolution. “The Real Housewives” marathon is the conflict. The Tetris marathon is the resolution.

2. Making salad in a giant wooden bowl and using the bowl both for prep and eating to avoid washing an extra dish. It might look stupid. But the two minutes saved on washing extra dishes is worth it.

3. Rinsing dishes instead of using actual soap. Speaking of dish doing … soap is overrated when you’re the only person who uses your dishes. Bask in your own germs.

4. Same for hand washing after using the bathroom. Waste of hand soap!

5. Eating straight out of the fridge or in bed with the laptop. If you’ve recently wiped down your regular eating area, it’s dumb to get it dirty by taking yet another meal there … alone. Skip the kitchen and go straight from fridge to bed,

6. Drinking straight from the bottle. Drink Diet Coke straight from the plastic liter. Wine straight from the bottle. Milk straight from the carton.

7. Smushing the trash down further, to fit more garbage in, instead of taking it out. It doesn’t matter if your apartment smells like rotting spinach if you’re the only one who has to smell it. A candle or some room spray will cover that shit right up and you’ll live another day without having to go down four flights of stairs to the dumpster.

8. Spilling something on the counter and brushing it onto the floor. Coffee grinds, cereal crumbs,pistachio shells, all of it belongs on the kitchen floor where it blends into the ugly linoleum and gets stuck to the bottom of your fuzzy socks.

9. Wearing the same pair of socks multiple times. And even if the bottoms of those fuzzy socks are covered in coffee grounds, you can put off washing them for a while. A long while.

10. Using a towel for a really long time without washing it. Same goes for that face towel you’ve been using in the bathroom. You can flip it up to four times before every surface is covered in your mascara.

11. Boogers don’t really need to go in tissues. Boogers also can be wiped on walls, under beds, in the carpet. Boogers also like to be flicked. But don’t eat boogers. That’s truly gross.

12. Waiting to buy TP until you’ve used every scrap of paper towel and napkin in the house. Boogers especially don’t go in tissues if you’ve been putting off your toilet paper run for a while. Because tissues are the same as toilet paper. Duh.

13. Leaving clumps of hair in the hairbrush. As long at the bristles still run through your hair, you’re in business, Betty,

14. Taking a hell of a lot longer to wash period blood stained sheets than we care to admit. But, what the hell? We’re admitting it now. There is something comforting about sleeping in one’s own period stain. Reminds you that you’re still fertile, even if no one is “tapping that.”

15. Eating potato chips and onion dip for dinner. Tastes better if eaten at the fridge or in the bed with the laptop. We recommend following that up with pretzels dipped in peanut butter and Nutella for dessert. An entire meal without dishes!

16. Sleeping with a teddy bear. His name is Ralph. So what?

17. Cupping our bare breasts or vagina while watching TV. It just feels right.

18. Eating two dinners because the first one wasn’t very good so it didn’t really count. This will be highly unlikely if you ate potato chips and onion dip for dinner. That shit is satisfying.

19. Taking Myspace-style self portraits in the bathroom mirror. It’s important to commemorate these special single moments. Like celebrating an entire day of not using dishes or utensils. Or beating your own Tetris high score while watching “The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” Reunion Special.

20. Listening to the same song on loop for five to six days in a row. And it doesn’t matter if it’s something uncool like Soul II Soul’s “Back to Life.” Your plants won’t mind one bit.

To fart or not to fart...

So I've suddenly found myself in the midst of a long distance relationship.

How it happened, I have no idea. I guess I just kind of fell into it.

Y'all may remember Hot Air Balloon guy from last year... well that's who.

I have to say, it's been very trying as I am a massively physical person.

We have visited each other and as hard as it is to be apart, the sex when we finally see each other is AMAZING.

Now that we are growing more and more comfortable around each other he is happy to fart in front of me. This is great, whatever. I'm glad he feels comfortable and the farting doesn't bother me really.

What DOES bother me is that as chill as I am about his farting and as chill as I'm sure he would be I CANNOT BRING MYSELF TO FART IN FRONT OF HIM. This drives me CRAZY.

I'll think I'm fine and that all is great and that there is no reason for me to be weird about it but when it comes down to doing it I panic and try to surpress it or I hide the sound of it and pretend it's not happening.

I just know that one day when I am surpressing it, it's going to be too loud and my pinched butt cheeks are going to turn it into some weird trumpet noise.

Can we just pause and relect on the insane truth this woman speaks?!

One of the gals brought THIS amazing blog post to my attention from bitches gotta eat.

From what I can tell, this woman holds all the knowledge.

Please read an excerpt below:

1 BE MASCULINE AS FUCK. i'm sick and tired of whiny dudes eating salad while wearing girl jeans trying to talk to me about their motherfucking feelings. can we be done with that already? SHUT THE FUCK UP WITH THAT SOFT SHIT. i eat broken glass for breakfast, son. i have the heart of a lion and it pumps lava through my veins. it is simply NOT POSSIBLE for me to have enjoyable sex with a dude in his little sister's t-shirt who has shampoo blood and takes diet pills. i need some calloused hands against my backside, friends. if 2011 was the year of the baby-faced emo drinking his similac while rubbing his wilted penis into your thigh and calling you mommy, PLEASE OH PLEASE let 2012 be the year that men grow some fucking facial hair and and locate their motherfucking testicles AND FUCK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU IN A BED HE CHOPPED DOWN A TREE TO MAKE WITH HIS BARE HANDS. i want to know that a man with a deep voice who slaughters his own meat is not going to put up with any of my goddamned shit. i want to know that a bossy dude with a dick like a beer can isn't going to cry while getting a goddamned blowjob. we need some dudes who put their fucking foot down and are not going to tolerate any of that backtalk, little girl.

The Reason I Am Still Going To Go For Older Men

Originally this post was called In Praise of Younger Men.

But then I actually had something like intercourse with one and I realized my mistake.

It all started when one young man emailed me on OkCupid. He was 21 and I am 24 and although the difference is years is not large, the difference in technique is very much apparent.

I am sure that there happen to be young men who are very good at sex, but this guy was not one of them.

We first met over drinks and when I saw him I was very disappointed by his choice in clothing but I knew he had come right from work so I held my tongue.
He was very confidant, which is a turn on, but he didn't really strike me as someone I would really make an effort to see again.

After Christmas I was bored so I agreed to meet him again and we spent the afternoon hanging out near my apartment. Again he dressed like shit and I chewed him out for it.

I admit I am superficial and care about clothing choices more than most people, but I generally don't give people shit for what they wear. He showed up FOR A DATE wearing dirty black jeans and an oversized hoodie.

And yet, I still had him back to my place?

He actually invited himself over, and I think I dug that... I have no idea. I was also horny as fuck.

I actually had myself convinced that he would come over and we wouldn't do anything but hang out. But then we were making out and in my head I was telling myself that I would ONLY take my top off. But then I had my bra off. And then my pants. And then I was naked...

This first encounter included no penis-in-vagina intercourse, it was all making out and hands and mouths.

He was amazing with his hands! And then he was even more amazing with his mouth! And when it got so intense I tried to squirm away and he growled and grabbed me and dragged me back towards him.

And then he used his hands again and he made me cum so hard I had my first experience with female ejaculation!

This is why this post was almost called In Praise of Younger Men. But then he came over again the other night and we had sex...

Now, I can understand that sex is one of those things you can improve on, and I would certainly love to help him do that if I was actually interested in persuing anything with him. But I was clear that this was a sex thing, and so it makes no sense for me to continue with it if the sex is shit.

Foreplay was great, as with before. I wanted him on top and he pre-warned me that he wouldn't last as long on top. I figured that it would be okay and he was probably just nervous.

NO.

He layed down on me so our entire torsos were touching. He couldn't figure out if he was in or not. He talked SO MUCH to the point where I had to tell him to shut the fuck up. He did not pump, he wiggled. He had no leverage. He came in 3-4 minutes.

I was gracious and laughed it off and then made sure he did a good job on me before leaving.

He did an excellent job with his hands but it didn't make up for the terrible sex.

He's been texting me constantly and I've been giving minimal responses. I've lost interest and feel no draw.

My co-worker said I'm like a dude. I get bored once they put out.

A Helpful Tip

Well, Don't Quote Me On This...

Hello Blogosphere!

It's been a while. I've been around, but my sex life has not. For those of you (presumably anyone but the coauthors of this blog) who don't know, my relationship is current long distance because the other half of it is in another city finishing school. I don't know how I got into this situation either, but I guess we really like each other, (I'm just kidding, we love each other madly, etc, etc). Anyway, he's back in town as of earlier today but because of my work schedule (retail Christmas = late nights, BUZZ. YOUR LIFE. WOOF!) and his holiday family obligations we weren't sure if we'd see each other until later in the week. Today I managed to switch tomorrow's shift into ending a little earlier, and so I strongly suggested that we see each other tomorrow night in a way that I feel the internets should read,

Boy: Okay, I'm exhausted so I think I'm gonna crash right away... I'll see you soon :)
Me: alright, sleep well
Me: OH, so, p.s. if you don't find anything better (: P) to do tomorrow night, i am now off work at 10 because I am awesome. Soooo... you know
Me: goodnight!
Me: (and if you do to manage to have something better to do, I'm just warning you that Wednesday I will be a poor conversationalist because I won't be able to hear anything over the sound of my vagina screaming that we've been in the same city for 48 hours and I haven't seen you yet)
Boy: hahahaha ewwww
Boy: ewwwwwwwww jesus
Boy: screaming vagina
Me: Yeah whatever, don't even try to pretend that's not the greatest thing a girl has ever said to you.

Asking a boy out IN REAL LIFE

As someone who has no problem asking someone out via text or email, I have a super hard time asking someone out in person. IN REAL LIFE.

After a sex free period of 2.5 months, due to seeing a man with morals and also being in a general funk, I have found myself getting back to my slutty ways.

This Saturday I have a date with a latin man I am hoping to ravish, on Monday I have plans for beer and fooseball with some other dude, and then on Tuesday I am going for coffee with a highschool teacher.

I am excited for these outings and am glad to be getting out there again and meeting new people but these guys are not the ones I am REALLY excited for....

I work in a store that sells cool gift stuff and although most of the customers are women, we do have a few men come in from time to time. Lately there has been one male customer who has really stood out to me.

I don't know his name, but everytime he comes in I make sure to help him and we spend a lot of time chatting and there is some flirting. The last time he was in I was really awkward and flustered because I realized I had a crush on him and I really wanted to do something about it. I resolved that the next time he was in I would ask him out.

Cut to yesterday.

He walked in the store and we locked eyes right away and I couldn;t help myself from grinning really happily at him and I got a really big smile in return! We chatted a bit and he showed me pictures from a recent trip to Asia. We flirted and I tried to be cool and not get flustered like last time.

I knew I had to be proactive. I was going to do it. I was going to ask him out. Fuck, I was nervous.

I was alone behind the counter for a minute, getting his items ready to bag. He was walking towards the counter. I realized other people were walking towards the counter too! If I asked him out there would be an audience!

MOMENT OF PANIC.

I quickly grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled down a note with my name and number and taped it to the largest item in his bag.

It felt like chickening out and I regretted it as soon as he walked out. I considered following him outside but I had already felt kind of resigned.

Because it's Christmas and the things he bought were gifts he probably won't look in the bag until December 24th and I am worried that he might feel like it's too late or something....

GAWD. WHY DIDN'T I JUST SUCK IT UP AND ASK HIM AND FIND OUT THEN AND THERE IF HE IS SINGLE OR NOT?!

Now I play the waiting game. Maybe I will get laid by the latin man in the meantime.