Hello Blogosphere!
It's been a while. I've been around, but my sex life has not. For those of you (presumably anyone but the coauthors of this blog) who don't know, my relationship is current long distance because the other half of it is in another city finishing school. I don't know how I got into this situation either, but I guess we really like each other, (I'm just kidding, we love each other madly, etc, etc). Anyway, he's back in town as of earlier today but because of my work schedule (retail Christmas = late nights, BUZZ. YOUR LIFE. WOOF!) and his holiday family obligations we weren't sure if we'd see each other until later in the week. Today I managed to switch tomorrow's shift into ending a little earlier, and so I strongly suggested that we see each other tomorrow night in a way that I feel the internets should read,
Boy: Okay, I'm exhausted so I think I'm gonna crash right away... I'll see you soon :)
Me: alright, sleep well
Me: OH, so, p.s. if you don't find anything better (: P) to do tomorrow night, i am now off work at 10 because I am awesome. Soooo... you know
Me: goodnight!
Me: (and if you do to manage to have something better to do, I'm just warning you that Wednesday I will be a poor conversationalist because I won't be able to hear anything over the sound of my vagina screaming that we've been in the same city for 48 hours and I haven't seen you yet)
Boy: hahahaha ewwww
Boy: ewwwwwwwww jesus
Boy: screaming vagina
Me: Yeah whatever, don't even try to pretend that's not the greatest thing a girl has ever said to you.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Asking a boy out IN REAL LIFE
As someone who has no problem asking someone out via text or email, I have a super hard time asking someone out in person. IN REAL LIFE.
After a sex free period of 2.5 months, due to seeing a man with morals and also being in a general funk, I have found myself getting back to my slutty ways.
This Saturday I have a date with a latin man I am hoping to ravish, on Monday I have plans for beer and fooseball with some other dude, and then on Tuesday I am going for coffee with a highschool teacher.
I am excited for these outings and am glad to be getting out there again and meeting new people but these guys are not the ones I am REALLY excited for....
I work in a store that sells cool gift stuff and although most of the customers are women, we do have a few men come in from time to time. Lately there has been one male customer who has really stood out to me.
I don't know his name, but everytime he comes in I make sure to help him and we spend a lot of time chatting and there is some flirting. The last time he was in I was really awkward and flustered because I realized I had a crush on him and I really wanted to do something about it. I resolved that the next time he was in I would ask him out.
Cut to yesterday.
He walked in the store and we locked eyes right away and I couldn;t help myself from grinning really happily at him and I got a really big smile in return! We chatted a bit and he showed me pictures from a recent trip to Asia. We flirted and I tried to be cool and not get flustered like last time.
I knew I had to be proactive. I was going to do it. I was going to ask him out. Fuck, I was nervous.
I was alone behind the counter for a minute, getting his items ready to bag. He was walking towards the counter. I realized other people were walking towards the counter too! If I asked him out there would be an audience!
MOMENT OF PANIC.
I quickly grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled down a note with my name and number and taped it to the largest item in his bag.
It felt like chickening out and I regretted it as soon as he walked out. I considered following him outside but I had already felt kind of resigned.
Because it's Christmas and the things he bought were gifts he probably won't look in the bag until December 24th and I am worried that he might feel like it's too late or something....
GAWD. WHY DIDN'T I JUST SUCK IT UP AND ASK HIM AND FIND OUT THEN AND THERE IF HE IS SINGLE OR NOT?!
Now I play the waiting game. Maybe I will get laid by the latin man in the meantime.
After a sex free period of 2.5 months, due to seeing a man with morals and also being in a general funk, I have found myself getting back to my slutty ways.
This Saturday I have a date with a latin man I am hoping to ravish, on Monday I have plans for beer and fooseball with some other dude, and then on Tuesday I am going for coffee with a highschool teacher.
I am excited for these outings and am glad to be getting out there again and meeting new people but these guys are not the ones I am REALLY excited for....
I work in a store that sells cool gift stuff and although most of the customers are women, we do have a few men come in from time to time. Lately there has been one male customer who has really stood out to me.
I don't know his name, but everytime he comes in I make sure to help him and we spend a lot of time chatting and there is some flirting. The last time he was in I was really awkward and flustered because I realized I had a crush on him and I really wanted to do something about it. I resolved that the next time he was in I would ask him out.
Cut to yesterday.
He walked in the store and we locked eyes right away and I couldn;t help myself from grinning really happily at him and I got a really big smile in return! We chatted a bit and he showed me pictures from a recent trip to Asia. We flirted and I tried to be cool and not get flustered like last time.
I knew I had to be proactive. I was going to do it. I was going to ask him out. Fuck, I was nervous.
I was alone behind the counter for a minute, getting his items ready to bag. He was walking towards the counter. I realized other people were walking towards the counter too! If I asked him out there would be an audience!
MOMENT OF PANIC.
I quickly grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled down a note with my name and number and taped it to the largest item in his bag.
It felt like chickening out and I regretted it as soon as he walked out. I considered following him outside but I had already felt kind of resigned.
Because it's Christmas and the things he bought were gifts he probably won't look in the bag until December 24th and I am worried that he might feel like it's too late or something....
GAWD. WHY DIDN'T I JUST SUCK IT UP AND ASK HIM AND FIND OUT THEN AND THERE IF HE IS SINGLE OR NOT?!
Now I play the waiting game. Maybe I will get laid by the latin man in the meantime.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
A Cold and Lonely Winter Ahead...
Since the summer my sex life/romantic situation has slowed down SIGNIFICANTLY.
All summer I rarely went a week without getting laid at least once, and now it's been over a month and as much as I want sex I don't feel that push to find it.
Maybe it's because there is snow on the ground and the idea of running around and going on dates seems like too much work. OR maybe it's because the person I really want to have sex with is not in the same city as me.
Hot Air Balloon guy was someone I tried to write off at the start. But now he is the guy I want to see. Just over a month ago he moved back home for the winter and I miss him terribly.
At least, I think I do.
I spend a lot of time thinking about how well we get along but I am also afraid that I am only wanting him because he isn't available to me.
What if I lose interest as soon as I see him again?
I guess that's something I won't know until he comes back.
All summer I rarely went a week without getting laid at least once, and now it's been over a month and as much as I want sex I don't feel that push to find it.
Maybe it's because there is snow on the ground and the idea of running around and going on dates seems like too much work. OR maybe it's because the person I really want to have sex with is not in the same city as me.
Hot Air Balloon guy was someone I tried to write off at the start. But now he is the guy I want to see. Just over a month ago he moved back home for the winter and I miss him terribly.
At least, I think I do.
I spend a lot of time thinking about how well we get along but I am also afraid that I am only wanting him because he isn't available to me.
What if I lose interest as soon as I see him again?
I guess that's something I won't know until he comes back.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Sex Eyes
Last week Zaza excitedly told me about a trick a mutual friend shared with her:
SEX EYES
Now, this is something I have been using for a while without really realizing it is a trick. I just happen to be a complete horndog.
How to do Sexy Eyes:
- Spot an attractive person
-Tilt your head down JUST A TOUCH
- Lock eyes with them
- Imagine sexy things such as: You fucking them, them masturbating to you, you masturbating to them, them naked, etc.
- Throw in a lip bite
- These thoughts create a sultry facial expression
- The person won't know what hit them but won't be able to look away!
I constantly walk around imagining having sex with just about every man that crosses my path. I even have a problem where when I walk into a room I imagine that everyone senses I'm there and is immediately drawn to me sexually. Like my vagina has a magnet or something and it gives me immense sexual appeal. So I've been giving this look for months without realizing the power behind it.
I am going to work on honing it and turning myself into a Sex Eyes monster.
The day after Zaza told me about Sex Eyes I practiced at work. I combined it with the personal-space-assulting Shoulder/Arm Touch - when talking to a male customer I place my hand on their shoulder blade or arm and do a little rub when saying hello or goodbye. I was a hit!
My male customers bought way more! It was working! And very few of them were noticeably uncomfortable!
One customer, that I didn't have the opportunity to touch, stood out though.
I was helping some bitchy old ladies and a sweet looking young man passed by behind them. I immediately locked eyes and did the Sex Eyes at him. He blushed like crazy, which made me giggle, which in turn made him giggle! HE WAS MINE! He walked passed me a couple more times, and it felt like he was loitering a bit. I was so ready to go up and ask him out but the horrible old broads I was helping took FOREVER! Eventually he left and my heart left with him.
I recovered quickly from my loss because I realized I held immense power with the Sex Eyes and there would be MANY more opportunities.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Let's talk about danks
If I had a dollar for every boy who ever asked me to tell him what I really thought of his penis...
Ladies, I have discovered THE PERFECT THING TO SAY.
you don't want to lie to them and tell them they have the biggest dick you've ever seen (unless it is!)
and Jesus, please do not say "Oh it's just right!" (even if it is!)
Let's talk about the V/M ratio
The vagina/mouth ratio
The Perfect Penis makes your vag feel good, but also fits in your mouth
"Why should the Perfect Penis fit in my mouth?" you ask? Seriously, if you're asking, stop reading this blog now, Prude.
So ladies, next time a dude asks you what you think of his dick
(I mean, provided you want to make him feel good about his junk)
Mention the V/M ratio. Tell him that its great because it makes your cootch feel good, and allows you to give great head too.
Ladies, I have discovered THE PERFECT THING TO SAY.
you don't want to lie to them and tell them they have the biggest dick you've ever seen (unless it is!)
and Jesus, please do not say "Oh it's just right!" (even if it is!)
Let's talk about the V/M ratio
The vagina/mouth ratio
The Perfect Penis makes your vag feel good, but also fits in your mouth
"Why should the Perfect Penis fit in my mouth?" you ask? Seriously, if you're asking, stop reading this blog now, Prude.
So ladies, next time a dude asks you what you think of his dick
(I mean, provided you want to make him feel good about his junk)
Mention the V/M ratio. Tell him that its great because it makes your cootch feel good, and allows you to give great head too.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
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