Oh my God, you GUYS!

Old Fogey: Part 2

Last week I had my second encounter with Old Guy. It was amazing.

This time I just went straight to his place after work. Why waste time with small talk and drinks?

We got down to business right away. When we stopped for breaks he would sing and at one point he even danced.

This is his favorite song right now, he sang it very loudly and it was hilarious to see him dance naked like the guy in the blue jacket:



After going at it for a while we were laying in his bed chatting and he told me about how he had pierced a woman's nipple with three syringes a couple of weeks ago. Ick.

He tells me stupid shit like this to try and shock or impress me or something. He also told me about his MDMA trip the previous Friday and his coke binge a couple of nights earlier. He definitely does not act like a 43 year old. He acts like a complete idiot.

We did discuss keeping this arrangement going for a while. Which I am pleased about. The sex is seriously amazing. Gentle at times, and rough at others. And LOTs of making out.

After a while we got up and walked around his apartment before getting dressed. He went to the kitchen and I was in his living room checking my phone. All of a sudden I hear this WHOOSH! WHOOSH! WHOOSH! noise and I look up to see him going full force on his elliptical machine. Sandwich in one hand, the other arm flailing to keep balance, and his junk swinging like crazy. I nearly died I was laughing so hard. It was magic.

Shortly after that I stepped into the bathroom to tidy myself up and upon pulling my hair back I noticed THIS beast on my neck:



It is super sore, and tender, and horrifying. No makeup will cover it. It looks grey and splotchy and ridiculous.

I had left marks on his neck too, but none were as bad as this.

At the end of our romp, he walked with me back to my neighborhood and after parting ways I went and got myself a monster of a burrito to regain my energy.

From the same guy that sent Muffy that ridiculous message the other day:

"So I messaged you just to chat but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really well, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you chat with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going."

This is the type of thing I wake up to...

"I came across your profile and was quite enamored by such an articulate and heavenly blessed beauty. I would be kicking myself if I didn't ask, so I was wondering if you would accept an engagement of witty banter between two intellectuals? Of course this "engagement" may start off as purely platonic but my sensual desires will most likely guide our cohesive unity down more erotic, lascivious, and sexual paths that will include but are not limited to passionate make out sessions under the star lit sky, dry humping, fondling each others naughty parts inducing orgasms, and an abundance of new uncharted sexual positions where I assert my pure dominance in establishing a realm of absolute sovereignty in your nether regions.
Is this something you would be interested in pursuing?"

This Town is Small

[Muffy] 11:25pm
funnny story
so i am on okcupid, as per usual
and this guy starts IMing me and he is older, 37, and he works in film, and his name is M******
and we are chatting whatever
and i realize it all seems very familiar
[Samsamsam] 11:25pm
......
GRAVEYARD?
[Muffy] 11:25pm
and i look at his picture again and said "you fucked me in a graveyard once."
and then i gave him my number...
[Samsamsam] 11:26pm
oh my god
[Muffy] 11:26pm
i know
he said he was hurt that i ignored his calls
and i said i was hurt by the number of bug bites on my ass the next day