How to Lose a Girl in 10 Words or Less

The question "why are you single?" has come up way to often this week. I don't have an exact answer to this, but my excuse that I don't live here and I don't want to have to leave the love of my life here when I go back to school. Or you know, because I don't want one.

So in my time of need I turn to internet dating. These are some gems that the bachelors of the internet have sent to me:

Subject: Hi

"Your cute, I wanna have you sit on my face making me to lick ur clitoris till your cum is all over my face."

Snap9000

Subject: Open to receive a prize!

"The prize is..... A compliment of how pretty you hair is (yeah im a dork)
But I had to try and get your attention as I am sure you have like
038475658382727hbhh746&$ messages in your mail box...
Anywhoozle, take a gander at my profile and hopefully I will hear from you
soon!
ps if you do not reply to me thats all cool... I just hope that I made you smile
and brought some :D :) into your day"
McAcoustic

Subject: Hi

"heloo :). You seem like a very interesting person and i just thought me not saying hi

would come back to haunt me lool and we wouldnt want that would we? lool. Just thought
i would give it a try :) by the way im kevin whats your name? :)"

Agili

Subject: Hey

"Hey!

So, you showed up in my matches!

I like to laugh and make everything into a sarcastic joke. It happens, right?

Now. I could write a resume. Tell you all about me. Like I am applying for the
position of the guy you are going to hang out with on Friday, or whatever. But
that would be boring and dull..

Wait, I could list out interrogation questions! Ask you things like what you do
for fun? or maybe something really deep... something like. "So where are you
from?" You'd swoon, realizing that I care about where you are from and thus 'where
you're coming from'.
Or, I could just delete all of this and type "Hey wazzup? Saw your profile. Ur
cute! hit me back and we can chat" That would probably work best. I mean, that's
what everyone does right? So it MUST work! Shouldn't it? Well, except for the
crappy grammar skills.

How about instead, I do this. I am intrigued by your profile, and think it could
be worthwhile to find out more about you.
You know, talk, and answer those age old questions, like:

"Is she a total basket case in hiding?"
"Will I fall asleep sitting next to her when we hang out?"
and don't forget...
"Is she just a guy with fake pictures, pretending to be a girl?!?!?"

Care to chat/ talk/ argue? :)"

OneSevenThousand

Subject: Hi

"sangria is gross, i had such high hopes for us too haha"

myzteriouzwayz

Subject: Hi

"I wish I could play the fiddle!! you have a such a sexy mouth!"

dapper_dan

Sigh, maybe tomorrow night?

Muffy is now accepting fan mail.

You know life is awesome when your vagina has it's own email address.

As of today mine does.

Please send all fan mail, love letters, dick pics, etc to: muffyshungry@gmail.com